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5 Tips For Raising Good Decision Makers

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When my son was younger, getting him to make any decision was like pulling teeth. Each morning I would ask him what he wanted for snack at school. Without fail, it would take him at least ten minutes to answer. After a while I stopped asking and he got whatever I chose. Now that he is in his tween years, the decisions he has to make are harder than figuring out if he wants an apple or orange for snack. I can’t be with him 24/7 and therefore I need to make sure that when he is faced with hard choices, such as standing up to a bully or walking away, he has the tools to do so.

good decision maker

It is important that we teach children the valuable life skill of making good decisions. It is a skill that will help them be successful in childhood and as they transition into adulthood. The following are some suggestions of how you can prepare your children to become good decision makers.

1. Allow your child to make age appropriate decisions. For example, you can ask them what food they want for breakfast or what activity they want to do. I suggest that for young children you give them two options to choose from. Do you want pancakes or waffles for breakfast? This way they get to make a decision, but don’t get overwhelmed with having too many options to choose from.

2. Ask for their input when making decisions that affect the whole family. Maybe your family has plans to go see a movie or go out to dinner. Include your child by asking them what movie they prefer to go see or where they want to go for dinner. Again, I would suggest giving them options to choose from. Not only does this get them to practice decision making, but they get to see that they are an important part of the family and that their opinions are valued.

3. If it won’t cause harm to them or others, allow your children to make mistakes. As parents, many of us want to protect our children from disappointment and failure. However, people learn a great deal from trial and error.  When they use mistakes as  opportunities for growth, children learn how to improve their decision making skills. They get to see the outcome of their choices and are better able to handle the same or similar situation in the future.

4. Practice what you preach. Kids are always watching what their parents do. When they see you making good choices, they are more likely to do the same. For example, if you want your child to make healthy food choices, you probably shouldn’t scarf down a gallon of ice cream in front of them.  It sends them a conflicting message and they are more apt to think, if it’s OK for mom and dad to do, then why is it not OK for me?

5. Talk it out. When you are making a decision, talk out your process so your child can hear. For instance, let’s say you want to buy a new pair of shoes but don’t have the money right now to purchase them. Here’s an example of how you would talk it out.

I really want to buy those shoes but if I buy them now, then I won’t be able to get the movie tickets. I could buy the shoes but miss out on the movie, or I could go to the movies and get the shoes another time. I guess I have to decide which one is more important to me, the shoes or the movie.

Even though sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, you have a lot of influence over your children.  When you model your decision making process for them, they will usually mimic you.

Decision making activities

The following are some activities you can engage your children in to help teach them good decision making skills.

• Watch and discuss the decision making process of characters in a TV show. TV isn’t all bad. Many shows on networks like Nick Jr. and Disney allow children to watch how characters solve a problem and how they deal with the consequences of their actions. For example, PBS Kids had this to say about their popular show, The Berenstain Bears:

Each episode focuses on an ordinary, everyday situation or “challenge” that young children may encounter in the home, with friends, in the community or at school (like jealousy, peer pressure, a new neighbor, a bad grade – or lack of “quality” family time). A path to resolving this common problem is provided as Brother and Sister (and viewers) see the consequences of the choices and decisions that they make.

As each storyline progresses, family members interact to reveal solutions to conflicts and illustrate valuable life lessons.

PBS Kids provides a great list of activities here for kids to practice making decisions.

• After reading a story with your child, discuss how the characters solved a problem they faced. Some questions you can ask your child include:

1. What was the problem in the story?
2. What are some ways the characters could have solved the problem?
3. What might have happened if they chose any of the solutions you mentioned?
4. How did the character choose to solve the problem?
5. What was the outcome?
6. How would you have handled the situation?

These questions are designed to help kids learn how to think through a problem instead of acting impulsively.

• Ask your children to solve hypothetical problems. One of my favorite games I use what if boxto play in counseling sessions was the ‘What If’ game. To play the game, first write a series of ‘what if’ questions on slips of paper, fold them, and then place them in a container. Take turns with your child selecting and answering a ‘what if’ question. You can ask questions such as:

What if you found a hundred dollars, what would you do?
What if a stranger tries to talk to you?
What if your sister took your toy without asking?
What if you classmate doesn’t invite you to their?

Playing the ‘what if’ game gets children to stop and think about what they would do if they were faced with a particular situation.

You can also find another great resource here for helping children learn to become good decision makers.

Additionally, here is a wonderful video about decision making and it has great scenarios for kids.

What are some ways you foster good decision making with your children? I would love to hear about them in the comment section below.

If you like this article, you might also like 9 Ways To Teach Children About Feelings

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Executive Functioning, Positive Parenting Tips 85

Comments

  1. Brandyn Blaze says

    March 15, 2015 at 7:54 pm

    I love this! It is so important that we teach our children how to make their own decisions and how to effectively problem solve. One day they’ll be grown and doing it all on their own, we need to prepare them for that day!

    #manicmondays

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:21 am

      Very true Brandyn. I would love to keep my kids close always, but that’s not the reality. I would hate for them to be under-prepared.

      Reply
  2. Erin @ Nourishing My Scholar says

    March 16, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Great Post! Sharing!!!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:22 am

      Thank you Erin! I appreciate it 🙂

      Reply
  3. Bridget says

    March 16, 2015 at 10:06 am

    I love the idea of the hypothetical questions. What a great exercise! Nice post!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:23 am

      Thanks Bridget! I appreciate you taking the time to read! The what if game is one of my faves. It really helps to work on those decision making skills.

      Reply
  4. JcCee says

    March 16, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Great post! I participate in most of these with my kids. I love movie night. I get to see their reactions to certain scenes in the movie and we discussed how they would react or should react. I especially love playing the what if games with them.

    Reply
  5. Agatha says

    March 16, 2015 at 11:20 am

    Oh this is a tough one. I sometimes wonder about this (and whether I had made the right decision too!). Our child is going into his tweens and we give him an hour break each day from homework to let him do any recreational thing he wants, but we do give him tips e.g. if he watches TV vs if he reads a book vs. if he plays outside in the garden. We do tell him that what he does in that hour has consequences.

    Reply
  6. Michele says

    March 16, 2015 at 11:22 am

    Hello Yanique, this is really smart advice. I especially like the part about letting children fail. I think I tried too hard to make sure my kids never failed, but it is important for them to see that you learn from failure. This is a message I just don’t see often enough in the world.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 16, 2015 at 11:30 pm

      I’m guilty of trying to intervene to stop my kids from making mistakes. I realize that when I jump in to save the day, they don’t get to practice problem solving on their own. They won’t be under my watchful eyes forever. I need them to be able to make good choices on their own.

      Reply
  7. Kim @ Knockitoffcrafts says

    March 16, 2015 at 11:27 am

    As an adult who constantly wonders if I’ve made the right decision, I really want my children to feel confident in their decisions. I especially love your idea for the “what if..” game! Games such as that are so great for teaching skills. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 16, 2015 at 11:26 pm

      The What if game is one of my favorites. I always look for fun ways to hook kids interest when I want them to grasp a concept. Afterall, play is their language. I might as well learn how to speak it 🙂

      Reply
  8. Robin @ The Golden Rule Kids says

    March 16, 2015 at 11:30 am

    All great things to think about it so easy to make all our children choices for them, and they grow up not trusting their own choices in life. I’m guilty of doing some of these sometimes, and thanks for reminding me of what I’m really doing is not helping them Great Post! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 16, 2015 at 11:24 pm

      Robin I’m guilty of trying to shield my little guys as well. My daughter fights me on this so I know she will have no problem holding her own. My youngest son however, always looks to me when he has to make a choice. We are working on him being confident in making his own choices, even if it doesn’t work out the way he wants it to!

      Reply
  9. Lou @ Mommy Sanest says

    March 16, 2015 at 1:04 pm

    These are great tips. I especially love the one about letting them make mistakes. So often these days, parents are afraid to give kids any leeway to become self-sufficient independent people, and making mistakes and wrong decisions is part of that process. Good list.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:25 am

      Absolutely Lou. If they never learn how to fail, it will be hard for them to learn how to succeed. Making mistakes is a natural part of life.

      Reply
  10. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    March 16, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    Great post. I love your suggestions, especially letting them answer what they’d do in hypothetical situations. My kids and I sometimes do this, but we both answer so they get to know a little about me (and maybe I can indirectly teach them with my hypothetical self’s example.)

    #mondayformoms

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 16, 2015 at 11:11 pm

      I like hat you give answers to the hypothetical situations as well. That is a great idea!

      Reply
  11. Julie says

    March 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    Great post, I really like how you gave suggestions on specific activities. Definitely saving this for a few years down the line.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:26 am

      Thanks Julie. I’m glad you found this useful.

      Reply
  12. Ambika S says

    March 16, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    It is an important topic. Though my kids choices are not appealing, I should let them make the choice.

    Reply
  13. Janine Halloran says

    March 16, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    I love the decision making activities – using shows or books are a great idea. Thanks for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I have pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 16, 2015 at 11:08 pm

      Wow that’s great! I really appreciate it 🙂

      Reply
  14. Anna busby says

    March 17, 2015 at 6:15 am

    great post some really good techniques to use! thankyou #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 17, 2015 at 6:31 am

      Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by 🙂

      Reply
  15. Irion says

    March 17, 2015 at 7:59 am

    This is great advice! Sometimes we want to choose everything for our kids & we forget that they are people too. They want & need to make their own decisions just like us in order to grow & learn from their mistakes.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 18, 2015 at 11:28 am

      Absolutely. Some of the best lessons I’ve learned are from the mistakes I’ve made. I appreciate stopping by!

      Reply
  16. Crystal says

    March 17, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    ‘What-ifs” are my favorite. It is like keeping them one step ahead of the game!

    Reply
  17. Caro | The Twinkles Momma says

    March 17, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    What a brilliant post! I absolutely agree.

    Something a friend said — when the twins were born — that really stuck with me was that ‘as parents, we’re not bringing children up, we’re bringing adults up’. Everything they’re taught now, influences how they make decisions — or behave — in later life!

    It really resonated with me.

    As a result, I think I ‘baby’ the twins less and definitely give them the opportunity to make their own decisions on some things, rather than doing it on their behalf. A great, thought provoking post! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday x

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 18, 2015 at 11:19 am

      My husband tells me that all the time. We are raising adults and we want them to be prepared to take on the challenges of life. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to linking up next week!

      Reply
  18. Mary Burris says

    March 17, 2015 at 6:04 pm

    Love this post! It’s good to instill good decision making processes in our children while they are young. It will stay with them the rest of their lives.

    Thank you for tossing your hat into the ring at the Party Under The Big Top! I hope to see you again next week!
    #BigTopBlogParty

    Reply
  19. Tim says

    March 17, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    A very thoughtful piece. I agree it’s important we support our kids in learning to make their own decisions, which means we have to learn as parents to step back occasionally in the knowledge that some of the decisions they make might not be right. But if our kids never get the opportunity to make their own decisions, how will they ever learn and grow? I always think one of the most important parenting skills there is is to know when to intervene and when to step back.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 18, 2015 at 11:09 am

      Absolutely. It’s such a delicate dance to figure out as a parent when to intervene and when to step back. So many children grow up and are paralyzed by indecision because they haven’t developed adequate decision making skills.

      Reply
  20. mel @mydaysni says

    March 18, 2015 at 8:59 am

    Yes! My eldest is 4, but I have found giving him 2 choices, is a much easier task than an open ended question. There is still work to be done with him accepting another persons preferred choice for eg family outings! Good post #sharewithme

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 18, 2015 at 11:02 am

      It is hard getting them to accept other choices to do things. I usually alternate which child gets to choose so they all get a chance to pick. Evenwith that they still argue!

      Reply
  21. Charlotte @ Educating Elsa says

    March 18, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    This is really interesting. Elsa is only 19 months old but I have started to get her involved in making decisions about things like what she wears and what she wants to eat. I also like to ask her what activity she wants to do, even though she picks puzzles every time. We have also found that giving her two choices helps with discipline too. For example if she doesn’t want to tidy away Daddy will say ‘do you want to tidy the books or the toys?’ and then she picks one and Daddy does the other. If you just ask her to tidy up she won’t do it!

    Reply
  22. Joanna @mumbalance says

    March 18, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    This is a wonderfully useful post. Thank you for putting it together xx
    #sharewithme

    Reply
  23. Multicultural Motherhood says

    March 18, 2015 at 8:07 pm

    Some great ideas here to help develop decision making. I particularly like the one about discussing characters decisions after reading a book. My children are quite young but they love listening to stories so this is something I could do with them.
    #twinklytuesday

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 19, 2015 at 2:11 am

      So many teachable moments occur when we read to our children. It’s a great time for them to practice critical thinking. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  24. Elizabeth says

    March 20, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Love this! I also use storytelling as a model for good decision making. I was watching a tv show and they talked about “priming your space” by have only good choices to choose from. I thought this was interesting, for example, instead of a donut and apple, you have an apply and carrot to choose from. Good way to give kids choices while “priming” them for a positive experience. Although, I firmly believe that failure teaches things that nothing else can. Very thought provoking! Thanks for sharing. Tweeted!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:28 am

      Elizabeth I like that! I’ve never heard of priming and it is definitely something I will add to my tool kit. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  25. Carolyn Henderson says

    March 20, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    We have four grown children, whom we homeschooled, who grew up to be wise, intelligent people who think before they act and make good choices. As you observe, it’s a day to day thing, working with our kids, just living, and giving them more and more responsibility as they grow older — we read, talked a lot, discussed, did chores, just did stuff.

    Crucial to good decision making is allowing kids to disagree with us, as parents, and to not feel that they must think the way we do, or like the things we like. Sounds obvious, but a lot of parents see it as “disrespectful” or “not under authority.” Part of being a good decision maker is that you can stand up for yourself, with grace, and hold your ground — lot of adults who can’t do that, sadly.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 8:32 am

      You hit the nail on the head Carolyn. When I was growing up I heard constantly from my parents that it was either their way or no way. In some instances they had to put their foot down. However, because they did it so frequently for a long time I second guessed myself and was always looking to them to guide me. It took a while for me to trust that I could have my own opinion and be comfortable expressing it.

      Reply
  26. Sharon Rowe says

    March 20, 2015 at 5:52 pm

    Thanks for sharing such a great post on Monday Madness Link Party 🙂

    Reply
  27. Meredith@MommyAtoZ says

    March 21, 2015 at 11:56 am

    I love this…especially the part about letting them make mistakes. Definitely something I’m working on, as I like to fix everything. Thanks so much for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop! Hope to see you at the next one!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 23, 2015 at 1:05 am

      I hear ya! It’s really hard for me to watch my kids make mistakes, I have to constantly remind myself that I am raising adults and won’t be around forever to save them. Thanks for dropping by. Looking forward to linking up next week!

      Reply
  28. Jenny says

    March 21, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    I really hope I am and these are the things I question myself about all the time. I think it’s always going to be like that. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

    Reply
  29. Carolin says

    March 22, 2015 at 2:15 am

    This is a fabulous post full of useful ideas. I think every parent should read this as it’s such an important lesson to teach your children.

    Thanks for linking up with our Parenting Pin It Party x

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 23, 2015 at 12:58 am

      Thanks for the kind words. I always hope that what I share can be useful to someone. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

      Reply
  30. Tiffany | A Touch of Grace says

    March 22, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    This is such goodness! I think kids struggle with decision making sometimes. Especially nowadays when there are more and more decisions to be made. I want to be more present when I ask my daughter to make decisions. When she makes bad decisions/choices, I’m good at talking it out with her, but just easy decisions need more attention as well.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 23, 2015 at 12:54 am

      It’s amazing now many choices kids must make on a daily basis. I feel like this generation of children are being asked to grow up so quickly. I too forget to be present for the little things and definitely an area I can improve in. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  31. Samantha @ Stir the Wonder says

    March 22, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Great post! Thanks for linking up at the Thoughtful Spot Weekly Blog Hop! We hope you join us again next week!

    Reply
  32. Natasha @ Anxious Toddlers says

    March 23, 2015 at 4:02 pm

    This is such a great post! I love the “What If” game. This will be a great game to play on our upcoming road trip.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      March 24, 2015 at 1:32 am

      I’m glad you liked it. That’s genius. I never though about playing it on a car ride!

      Reply
  33. Christie says

    March 26, 2015 at 2:09 pm

    Oh my goodness….I know some kids that never can make a decision! Thanks for sharing your post with us at Totally Terrific Tuesday!

    Reply
  34. Gail Cavanaugh says

    April 15, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    Your insights on decision making a very good. At times, it is difficult for even parents to make decisions and if we help our children make better decisions when they are young, they will use the skills when they get older. Art helps children make better, more creative decisions as well. They will see the problem in a different way.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 15, 2015 at 8:20 pm

      So true Gail! Decision making is such an important life skill for both young and old. The sooner we learn how to make good decisions the better. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  35. T Austin says

    August 4, 2015 at 8:48 am

    These are really great tips!! I live by number 1. Choice is sooo important!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:55 am

      Yes! I’ve avoided many power struggles by offering choices!

      Reply
  36. Sunshine Momma says

    August 4, 2015 at 9:37 am

    I will definitely be using this as a reference in the future. Pinning for later! 🙂

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:54 am

      Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  37. Sarah Noel says

    August 4, 2015 at 10:34 am

    Thank you for writing this! My son is 2 years old now, and we’ve been trying to give him choices. You’ve given some great advice.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:54 am

      Thanks Sara! Hope the info proves useful to your family 🙂

      Reply
  38. Chelsea says

    August 4, 2015 at 11:19 am

    It’s SO important to practice what you preach. This is a great lesson to include!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:54 am

      YES! Kids eyes are always on us!

      Reply
  39. tiaras & tantrums says

    August 4, 2015 at 11:24 am

    I always hope I am arming my kiddos with the right decision making tools.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:53 am

      Sometimes it’s hard to tell, but we do the best we can, right?!

      Reply
  40. Daria says

    August 4, 2015 at 2:33 pm

    Thanks for sharing, this is truly important for becoming independent. We will not always be able to be there for our kids, so for them to be able to make the best decision for their lives is important.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:53 am

      The more we prepare our kids the better off they will be!

      Reply
  41. Shann says

    August 4, 2015 at 6:05 pm

    Great tips for helping kids make decisions. My son is entering kindergarten, and I worry about him making the right decisions there. But, you’re right. It’s OK to make mistakes too.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:52 am

      Good luck to your munchkin as he starts his academic career!

      Reply
  42. Christine Goulbourne says

    August 4, 2015 at 7:30 pm

    Excellent post, I love your strategies for learning decision-making. Some strategies promote critical thinking skills.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:49 am

      Thanks! It’s so important to get kids to think critically!

      Reply
  43. Kellie Smith says

    August 4, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    What a fantastic post Yanique! It’s so important that we teach our kids how to weigh options, not always need the instant gratification and how to make decisions for themselves. Thank you for putting this info so concisely!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:48 am

      Thanks Kelly! Being able to delay gratification is a crucial skill for children to learn! Adults too 🙂

      Reply
  44. Lauryn Hock says

    August 4, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    It is so awesome that with this advice, it puts the responsibility in the children’s hands! Love that it says to let them make mistakes. The lessons I learned the best were the ones I learned the hardest!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:47 am

      The lessons I learned the hard way are the ones I remember the most!

      Reply
  45. Jessica says

    August 4, 2015 at 11:41 pm

    these are GREAT tips, I had to pin them.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:46 am

      Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  46. Michelle @ Sunshine and Hurricanes.com says

    August 5, 2015 at 8:59 am

    These are great tips and I especially agree with #3 on your list, allowing mistakes. Many adults seem afraid to let their child fail at anything and overcompensate for him/her. This dangerous practice can create risk averse adults and problems throughout life.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:46 am

      So true. We learn so much from trial and error.

      Reply
  47. Dana says

    August 5, 2015 at 9:25 am

    I completely agree that our children need to learn how to make decisions. In the beginning, when I would give my boys choices they would sit there forever before either deciding or I would break down and say, “This is what you are getting”. Now as they get older, it is so important to equip them with the tools they need to make harder decisions than cereal or pancakes. Great post!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      August 10, 2015 at 9:51 am

      Absolutely. Kids grow quickly and the more we equip them with the tools to think critically, the more prepared they will be for the real world!

      Reply

Trackbacks

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