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I often tell my children to use their words when they are upset. I assume they know what they are feeling and can verbalize it to me. Wrong! It’s difficult for children to say what they are feeling because many times they don’t know what to name the feeling they are experiencing. Instead, they show us how they are feeling by throwing temper tantrums and having meltdowns. We first need to teach children the words to express their feelings before we require them to “use their words.”
Young children can be taught basic emotions such as happy, mad, sad, and scared as early as two years old. As they get older, you can explain emotions such as feeling frustrated, nervous, shy, etc. to them.
Here are some ways you can help your child learn the language they need to express their feelings:
1. Sing songs to help young children learn how to express their feelings. I came across this version of a preschool classic, If you are happy and you know it at Sunflowersstorytime.com. It goes:
If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.
If you’re surprised and you know it say “Oh my!”
If you’re sad and you know it rub your eyes “Boo hoo”
If you’re scared and you know it shiver and shake.
If you’re sleepy and you know it close your eyes.
If you’re angry and you know it stomp your feet.
And always make sure end up with “happy” again.
They suggest having pictures of each emotion to show the kids as they sing the song.
2. Use games and activities to teach children about feelings. 
Children like learning through playing and having fun. A fun game to help kids learn about feelings is Feelings Charades.
For this game you will need to make a feelings cube. Paste pictures of feeling faces on a tissue box. Have kids roll the box and whatever feeling face it lands on they have to act out.
You can find free feeling picture cards here.
You can also use the cards to play Memory. Simply print out two sets of Feeling Cards, shuffle them and then have your child find the matching Feelings Card.
3. Watch kid-friendly videos about feelings. Kids respond well to visual stimulation. Here are two videos I like to show kids to help them learn about feelings:
4. Get into the habit of labeling the feelings you believe your child is experiencing. For example, if your child runs up to you and hugs you as you walk through the door, you can say something like “someone is excited to see me” or “someone is happy I’m home.” Labeling your child’s feelings as they happen helps them to build their feelings vocabulary.
5. When you read to your child, discuss how the characters in the story are feeling.
Point out any clues that lets you know what they are feeling such as facial expressions or behaviors. Then explain to your child why the characters feel the way they do. If your child is able to, let them take a turn identifying how the characters are feeling and why.
I like to read The Way I Feelto young children because it uses beautiful images to describe a range of feelings.
6. When your child does something that upsets someone else, let them know how their behavior might make others feel. For example, “When you called your sister names, she felt sad and her feelings were hurt. “ This will help your child be mindful of what they say and do to others. You can follow up by asking how they would feel if someone did the same thing to them. Encouraging your child to put themselves in someone else’s shoe teaches them how to be empathetic. Empathy is an important life skill that will allow your child to maintain positive relationships with other people.
7. Model appropriate ways to express feelings to your child. Children are always watching us and like sponges they soak everything up. Good and bad. If your child sees you expressing your feelings in a positive way, over time they learn to do the same. However, if they see you yelling and throwing things when you get upset, they are more likely to mimic this behavior.
8. Teach your child appropriate ways to express their emotions. 
It’s important that children learn that it is OK to have their feelings. What matters is how they express them. When your child is calm, discuss with them ways they can calm down when they are upset. The ABC’s of Calming Down is a great resource that contains 26 alphabetized calm down strategies to help children calm down.
9. Praise your child when they use words to express their feelings. Having the self-control to express your feelings appropriately is no easy feat. There are many adults who are unable to do this. When your child tells you how they are feeling instead of having a complete melt down, praise them for doing so. Be very specific. For example, “I like how you told your sister that you were sad when she called you names. That was very mature of you.” Praising your child for practicing good behavior makes them more likely to do it again in the future. It also lets them know that you are watching them and notice when they do good things.
It is important that children learn how to identify and express their feelings in an appropriate manner. Kids who are able to express their feelings are less likely to have meltdowns and temper tantrums. They also have an easier time making friends and getting along with others. For additional resources on teaching children about feelings, check out these Feelings Task Cards.
In what ways do you foster your child’s emotional intelligence?
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Angie Benjamin @ Bloom by Grace says
These are great ways to encourage our kids to express their feelings. I have a 2 yo, well…she’ll be 3 in a month or so, and many of the things I do, but I’m certainly overlooking others. Looking forward to putting into practice these tips to reinforce my daughter’s vocabulary as well 🙂 thanks for sharing! I’ll share this post in my blogs’ weekend readings. Have a great week xx
Yanique Chambers says
I’m glad you found some useful tips:-) Thanks for stopping by!
Life Breath Present says
Thanks for these tips! We try to do variations of these. Baby Boy knows mad, sad, hurts, and sorry. Often he uses mad/sad interchangeably, but I think that’s ok because I know it’s ok to feel more than one thing at a time. I do need to work on happy with him, so he can express that one, too! 🙂
Bonnie Lyn Smith says
Oh my goodness! Such a great post! Not only great for all parents, but this should be an article in special education resource libraries everywhere! Thank you. It validated what I was already doing and gave me some new tips as well. I love children’s lit for this reason. Here’s another good one we love.
http://www.amazon.com/Wilma-Jean-Worry-Machine-Julia/dp/1937870014
Yanique Chambers says
I will have to check out Wilma Jean worry machine. I’ve been looking for good children’s books about worry and anxiety. I’m glad you found this post helpful. Thanks for stopping by!
Diane says
Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips. I plan to put them to good use with my 5!
Yanique Chambers says
You’re welcome! I hope they help! I can’t imagine the range of emotions you see on a daily basis with 5. Good luck 🙂
Amy Ngai says
Thanks for this. Sometimes it’s frustrating trying to explain feelings to a child. I think these tips will be really useful in encouraging them to use their words instead of lash out or tantrum.
Yanique Chambers says
You’re welcome! Sometimes children are a ball of emotions and it makes all the difference when they learn how to safely express their feelings. Thanks for stopping by!
Bev says
Fantastic tips! I interned for a year in an elementary school guidance department, and part of the work I did was helping children in the younger grades to identify and understand their feelings. Heck, a lot of adults need help! I am a huge fan of reading feelings-related books (And The Way I Feel is one of my favorites!) Thanks for sharing, stopping by from Mommy Monday Blog Hop.
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you!Learning to identify and express feelings is such an important skill. I completely agree with you about some adults needing help with this. I don’t know why people are so afraid of their feelings. We all have them! Thanks for stopping by!
Eimear says
Lovely tips and really important to follow them, lovely #twinklytuesday
Yanique Chambers says
They have helped to decrease the many meltdowns my children use to have. They still have meltdowns, they just don’t last as long. Thanks for the kind words!
Leslie says
Good tips! It’s so important to acknowledge children’s feelings and to help them to label them, rather than encourage them to “stuff” them.
Yanique Chambers says
So true! Once they get into the habit of stuffing their feelings it becomes so hard for them to course correct. Thanks for stopping by Leslie!
SixPackMommy says
Such important points, especially for the preschool/K age. I’ve found that it DOES help to encourage a child to identify the feeling he/she has, rather than merely addressing the behavior. So much less physical confrontation between the little ones when they learn to identify & “talk it out”!
Yanique Chambers says
I agree. It’s much easier to deal with the behavior once you can identify the feelings triggering their behavior in the first place. Thanks for stopping by!
Ashley Packard says
This is a wonderful resource. I have a 2.5 year old, and I’ve been working to help him understand feelings. I love the dice game, will definitely try this
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you! I find that between the ages of 2 and 3 kids struggle the most because they are still working on developing their emotional vocabulary. Hopefully this helps. It helped my kids a lot. Thanks for stopping by!
Maritza Levy says
This really helps. I have a 5 year old that struggles a bit when it comes to expressing herself. Thanks.
Yanique Chambers says
My son was the same way…still is! Good luck and hopefully this helps. Thanks for stopping by!
Jenn, mommytime365 says
Wonderful ideas! Last year we were dealing with a cranky 6 year old, so we bought the book “Crankenstein” around Halloween. We ended up giggling and sharing an “ah-ha” moment with our son, and that really seemed to work. Thanks for sharing!
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you!. I will have to check out Crankenstein. I love the name.
Tina Marie says
These are some amazing tips and I love this song. This bookmarked, I want to teach this to my youngest grandson.
Yanique Chambers says
I’m glad you liked it. The song inspired the post. My daughter listens to it over and over. I hope your grandson likes it! Thanks for stopping by!
Amy Nielson says
Great post. I think my children have a hard time expressing how they feel sometimes. I may have to try a few of these ideas.
Yanique Chambers says
It makes such a difference when children have the language to express their feelings.
Mary Burris says
I think it’s important to teach children about the different feelings and emotions. It takes away a lot of the mystery to them.
Thank you for tossing your hat into the ring at the Party Under The Big Top! I hope to see you again next week!
#BigTopBlogParty
Vicki Montague - The Free From Fairy says
This is a really helpful and useful post. Thank you so much for sharing these tips.
Life with Six Kids says
Love these and think that I need to read the calming down book as my little ones struggle with this.
Yanique Chambers says
Glad you like them. Hopefully it helps you and your little ones out. Glad you stopped by!
Krissy @ Pretty Wee Things says
great tips! I especially love the song example (I can only ever remember the happy one). Talking about feelings is something I do every day (for work) so I never sit back and reflect on what I am doing with my son, I guess because it is now second nature to me, but I love your tips! So helpful!
Yanique Chambers says
Sounds like you might be a fellow therapist 🙂 The great thing is most of the things that help children learn how to express and identify their feelings are things that parents already do with them! Thanks for stopping by!
otilia says
Great post! Thank you for linking with the #pinitparty
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you. Glad you liked it 🙂
FromMummytoMum says
Really great ideas here! We are quite an expressive family,we always ask the question “How would you feel if they did that to you?” And it seems to open their eyes as to how it would make someone else feel when they do it to them.
Yanique Chambers says
It really does. It’s like a light bulb goes off and they realize “Oh yeah, I guess that would really suck!” Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Lisa (mummascribbles) says
This is a fab post. My little one has literally just learnt what feeling sad is and tells me in the right circumstances that he feels that way! I think it’s extremely cute and am glad that he can associate it but it makes me a little sad when he says, ‘I’m sad mummy’! Thanks for linking up with #twinklytuesday
Lysa from Welcome to My Circus says
Hi Yanique,
These are all terrific ways of teaching our children about their feelings. I remember telling my daughters, “Use your words,” and realizing the same as you stated above that they honestly couldn’t use their words as I had not taught them which words were needed. I’m glad the light bulb above my head went on because once I taught them how to properly communicate what they were feeling the temper tantrums and outbursts began to fade away.
Thank you for linking up with us at Party Under the Big Top! I’m glad you were able to make it over to the #BigTopBlogParty this week! Hope to see you again at the next Party Under the Big Top! As a reminder, we go LIVE every Tuesday morning at midnight EST!
Wishing you a fabulous week!
Much love,
Lysa xx
Welcome to My Circus
#BigTopBlogParty
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks so much for hosting! It does make a huge difference when they know how to communicate what they are feeling. If they can tell me what they need I can meet their needs. It took a while for the light bulb to go off for me. I sure wish this parenting gig came with a manual. It’s been I whole lot of trial and error! Thanks for taking the time to read:-)
Michelle says
Another way that we teach feelings is by telling our daughter what WE are feeling, especially if it is a strong emotion so she can put a name to what she sees. I think this helped her learn them quickly, and also know that feelings are something we all have and talk about.
Jenny says
These are great tips and I will have to try some out. I think my almost four year old is struggling with expressing his emotions and I have never been good with helping him at them but everyone feels differently and I think at such a tender age I should be more patient in teaching him about them all. He gets confused. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme
Christie says
These are some really great ideas! Thanks for sharing at the Bloggers Brags Party this week. I’m pinning this to the Bloggers Brags board on Pinterest. Be sure to come back again this week!
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you! Thank you for hosting Bloggers Brag and I will be back to link up next week. I appreciate you stopping by 🙂
Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom says
This is a fabulous round-up of really great activities!
I’ve pinned this to my Deliberate PARENTING board.
Thanks for sharing and for linking up to the #SHINEbloghop.
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
xoxo
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you! I’m glad you liked them and I really appreciate the feedback:-)
Mrs. AOK says
This is SO wonderful! Thank you for sharing with us at Mommy Monday. I pinned and tweeted- this is such a helpful resource, thank you!
XOXO
Robin says
Teaching your kids about feelings is so important! What great advice and tips on how to help them learn about them! Thanks for sharing!
Sharon says
This is so great! Pinning and sharing. Thanks for sharing this at Totally Terrific Tuesday last week! I can’t wait to see what you have lined up for this week! Our party is live right now!
Sharon
Her Organized Chaos
Nicole @ Mommy Talk says
Love this! This is so important to learn at a young age, it helps with melt downs, confidence, communication. Love all the points!
agatha says
The important one for me is to be the role model for the kids.
April Rutherford says
This is awesome! Thanks so much, pinning!
MB says
You put a wonderful list together! Even though my kids are in the tween and teen stages, I remember when we’d teach them about feelings. In fact, my daughter has autism, so these types of exercises/activities really helped with her understanding and learning about feelings. You even included some I never thought of. Great post!
Valerie says
Great ideas! My 3 year old daughter is super sensitive and cries a lot. We are working on expressing how she feels using her words and ways to calm down.
Erneshia Pinder says
Great tips. Even though my girls are in their late teens, your advice is still applicable. I am also going to share with my nephew so he can apply with his three little ones. Thanks for sharing!
Amanda Evans says
I’m so happy to have come across your post featured at the Manic Mondays Blog Hop. I pinned your post and it is just perfect timing for my little one. Thank you for these great ideas!
Christine says
These are great tips. I was just talking about this recently with another mom who has younger kids. I remember going through this when mine were young. Now they have NO problem telling me!
Sibylla Nash says
Great post! It’s definitely an on-going conversation we need to have with older children as their emotions become more complex. Thanks for sharing!
Leslie says
When my kids were little I read a book called “Between Parent and Child” by Haim Ginott and it’s one of my top five parenting books. He advises you to say things like, “You feel mad,” etc. to your kids to give them words and to show that you understand. Sometimes it would sound a little goofy when we did this and we would even chuckle about it but I still think it’s a good technique.
Yanique Chambers says
Leslie this sounds great! I will have to check out this book.
Kim says
This is such great information! We used to have the book “The Way I Feel”, and I loved reading it to the kids. Hmm…now you have me on a mission to find it again.
Yanique Chambers says
One of my favorite children’s book. Hope you find your copy. I appreciate you stopping by!
Betty says
I like the part about singing. I have observed children learn much quicker when singing. These are awesome points.
Yanique Chambers says
Yes! I know singing puts my little one into a good mood and if I want to grab her attention, I just sing! It helps her commit things to memory faster. Thanks for stopping by!
Kelly @ Mum-bo says
I absolutely love that version of the “If You’re Happy and You Know it”. What a great idea to incorporate other feelings, I had never thought of that. I also like the idea of telling your child what feelings when they are expressing themselves to you. I normally just say, “Oh that’s lovely” when my son hugs me. I am going to change this. Thanks for linking up at Mum-bo Monday
Kathleen says
I finally got to the bottom of all those wonderful comments. You obviously scratched where it itched. Thanks for bring this to Fridays Blog Booster Party. I wish all of this ‘light’ was talked about when my kids were young. We did better than our parents did with us. And now it is just fantastic to bring all this out and be able to talk about it, just as you are doing by teaching your children.
Yanique Chambers says
I have to say I feel blessed to know what I know now. So many people struggle to understand and express their feelings. However, I am pleased that it is more acceptable these days to have open, honest discussions about our emotions.
Kelsey Ferguson says
I’m so glad I found this post on the Blog Booster Party! I just got done ranting to my mom about my 3 year old not handling ‘big emotions’ well. This post couldn’t have come at a better time. He loves to sing songs, so I’m going to try that version of If you are happy and you know it with him, today! Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. 🙂
Yanique Chambers says
I’m so happy you found this useful! The song is one of my favorites. Kid’s always seem to respond well to music. Three is such a rough age. My daughter is three as well and is on an emotional roller coaster every other day 🙂 Good luck to you and I hope your son enjoys the song. Thanks for stopping by!
Aimee says
These are all great tips! I especially love the idea to use a tissue box for a feelings cube! As a mom of 4, my husband & I have always tried to make it a point to teach our children about what they are feeling & empathy for others. It’s an awesome feeling when they start to understand what you are trying to teach them & begin not only expressing their own feelings, but also recognizing the same feelings in others. 🙂
#blogboosterparty
Yanique Chambers says
It is a great feeling watching my kids mature and finally able to internalize the morals and values we teach them! My little one still struggles with grasping the concept of empathy, but having two older, mischievous brother doesn’t help 🙂 Thanks Aimee for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
Teresa (embracing the spectrum) says
Great advice! I love it! Visiting from the blog booster party!
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks Teresa!
Rebecca Lishman says
Thank you for these great tips and activities ideas ! This week, I’m doing feelings with my kindergarten students, I’m sure the feeling dice will be a sucess 🙂 Thank you for sharing.