There are so many reasons why kids have meltdowns and temper tantrums. The reasons range from the mundane-he or she is just plain old tired, to the absurd-“he won’t stop looking at me!”
When you are a parent, you quickly come to the realization that it’s not a question of whether or not your child will have a meltdown. It’s more a matter of when will they have a meltdown.
No parent is immune to having their little angel losing their ever loving mind because something is not going their way. For example, I remember one Friday afternoon picking my kids up from school. They all came running up to me, eager to tell me what a great day they had. Since everyone was in good spirits I figured I’d indulge the kids in a treat.
Big mistake.
My four year old daughter entered the store with glee and expectations of multiple sugary sweets. When I told her that she could only choose one thing she immediately turned into a screaming, stomping, blubbering mess.
In my early years as a parent, when my kids had a fit out in public I would give them ANYTHING to quiet down because the judgmental stares from people watching my kids act up was overwhelming. However, I learned pretty quickly that rewarding meltdowns and temper tantrums only teaches kids to throw even more tantrums.
It was important for me to find effective ways to deal with my children’s melt downs and temper tantrums. Here are some tips that helped me along the way.
1. Remain calm. Your kids will try to press your button when they are in the heat of a tantrum. It is up to you to be the adult in the situation. Your kids will be amped up and ready to do whatever it takes to get their way. Don’t rise to the occasion. You remaining calm will not only prevent the situation from escalating, but it also gives you a chance to model calm behavior to your child.
2. Hold your ground and don’t give in to demands. The minute you reward a meltdown your child knows they have you right where they want you. Willingly or unwillingly, you are teaching them that to get what they want, all they have to do is have meltdowns and temper tantrums. Sure when they are little this might not seem like a big deal. However as they hit those pre-teen and teen years those meltdowns and temper tantrums can have some real consequences if not addressed.
3. Prepare for meltdowns and temper tantrum by having a calm down plan in place. Having a calm down plan is great for elementary –aged kids. When they are calm, sit down with your child and talk to them about things that upset them and what they can do when they are upset and angry. You guys can even come up with a signal you can give your child when they are in a rage to remind them to use their calm down plan. Role play the plan with your child. Some families reward their children for using their calm down plan as a way to encourage them to follow their plan even when they are really upset. Trust me, this approach is much better than trying to coach kids on how to calm down when they are out of control.
4. Ride out the storm. Sometimes when children have meltdowns and temper tantrums the best thing you can do is to let them scream and yell. Of course you want to make sure your child is safe and won’t harm themselves or other people. Choosing to let your child wear themselves out might also be the best option if your child’s tantrum has you rattled and upset. The last thing you want to do is explode on your child because they get under our skin.
5. Talk to your child about their tantrum once they are calm. It’s always good practice to process your child’s meltdown with them after it’s over. It gives them a chance to gain some insight into their behaviors. You can discuss with them what triggered the meltdown, what they wanted to happen, and how they can handle a similar situation in the future. Share with them how their behaviors impact the family. Talking with your child after a meltdown also gives them a chance to voice any other issues that might have made them explode in the first place.
I hope you and your family find these tips useful. Not every child is the same and not every technique will work with every child. I would love to hear any words of wisdom you have to share on how you handle kid’s meltdowns and temper tantrums.
If you like this post you may also like How to Create a Calm Down Area at Home
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Kim says
Great tips! I had to giggle about your comment regarding your child doing everything they can think of to get what they want. My son’s last resort is always to run upstairs to his room, grab a picture of his father and I, and will proceed to drop it (not hard) on the ground with a very emphatic “there!” Uh huh. That’ll teach us.
Yanique Chambers says
That has to be the funniest thing! I can only imagine the look on his face!!
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I always just walked away and ignored it. Eventually they got the hint that acting like that doesn’t work.
Megan says
Great tips. I don’t have children but these are definetely things I’d try to use. I can’t just walk away and leave situations like that haha
Sarah says
I don’t have kids of my own, but one of my best friends has a two year old and he certainly has his moments. I’ve learned to just sit there and take it, but I don’t give in to his demands, whether stated aloud or psychologically implied. The throwing of toys and screaming and hiding in a corner. It’s insane, but it’s great practice for our future children! haha
Skye says
These are such good tips! I have a 2 1/2 year old so the days of tantrums are upon us!! We had our first big one the other night which gives led to an hour of crying and whimpering in his bed. It was a touch night! That you for sharing these!! Definitely going to give them a try!
Skye says
These are such good tips! I have a 2 1/2 year old so the days of tantrums are upon us!! We had our first big one the other night which gives led to an hour of crying and whimpering in his bed. It was a touch night! That you for sharing these!! Definitely going to give them a try!
Tonya says
Choices always worked best in my house. And always choices I can live with. Such as you can find something to do or I can find something for you. That prevented a lot of meltdowns to begin with.
Ellen says
Such great advice! The first one and the last one are so important. It’s good to let kids talk about it when they are calm and for them to gain insight.
Heather lawrence says
I thought our days of meltdowns and tantrums were behind us until my youngest started kindergarten. It’s like she is so stressed out she’s regressing!!
Blythe A. says
This would be a great read for those people who give those looks. Sometimes you have to walk away and let kids calm themselves down.
laura londergan says
I am so lucky as I didn’t really have to go through meltdowns with my daughter – maybe a couple but the key was like you said, to stay calm & NOT give in 😉
Katarzyna says
I don’t have kids yet, but these are very good tips. I’ve seen many times moms losing their cool in the face of child’s tantrum and it’s not good for neither of them – I wish they could follow your advice!
Ana De- Jesus says
I agree if you start shouting it usually makes matters worse! Staying calm is the best thing you can do to manage tantrums!
Yanique Chambers says
So very true Ana!
Kimberly says
Great tips! We are going through our terrible two stage right now with my son. The struggle is real!
Yanique Chambers says
Oh yes those terrible twos can be a challenge no matter what you do. The good thing is it doesn’t last forever!
Stacey says
Great tips! I have found it is best to ignore and walk away, event though can be hard at times. Once I picked my son up out of his booster seat at a restaurant and walked out – leaving my husband and other two to enjoy dinner. My son and I had our food packaged to go. Unfortunately, we were at Disneyland, and my son was just too hungry, too tired, and too stimulated to handle it all.
Jenna @ A Savory Feast says
These are really good tips! I’ve nannied for a couple of toddlers who had meltdowns and temper tantrums often. These tips would have come in handy!
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks Jenna!
Heather says
These are awesome tips. I always try to have a “pep talk” when we are going out. And I have learned that my kids need frequent snacks, otherwise they get hangry, so I try to plan ahead that way as well.
Yanique Chambers says
That’s an excellent point Heather about being prepared with snacks. You don’t know how many times I’ve had one of my kids melt down because they were hangry!
Amy Jones says
Great tips its always nice to read another persons point of view and advices so i can improve as a mom aswell. thanks for sharing these awesome tips
HilLesha says
Wonderful tips! My 3 year old is prone to having meltdowns, especially when she hasn’t had a nap! When in public, I always find it best to remain calm and remove her from the situation quickly as I can until she calms down.
Pam says
These are some great tips! I don’t have kids yet but I’ve certainly used all of these tips with students in my classroom. Meltdowns are definitely unavoidable in a class of 20-30. Thanks for sharing these!
MyTeenGuide says
These are great tips. I usually just ignore my kid. She stops when she realizes that it won’t work.
Kacie says
All five are essential when dealing with meltdowns! I’ve found that keeping my cool, and holding my ground with my DS are a must. Since then, he’s been having less (actually very few, if ever now). Consistency is key! As usual, great post! 🙂
Susannah says
Oh dear goodness, we just entered the tantrum stage with Caleb and it’s overwhelming! He’s still a little too young (15 months) to understand when we try to manage his tantrums with words but we’re still working on gentle temper tantrum management.
Di says
Oh my I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with this! No kids! I’ll be sending this to a few of my friends for sure though!