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I used to watch reality television shows like Supernanny and America’s Supernanny in awe of how well they were able to get misbehaving kids in line without yelling or using threats. I even implemented some of their ideas in our home. Our greatest fail was the calm down corner.
The idea behind the calm down corner is that you place a misbehaving child in a corner until they are able to remain calm for two minutes. Since the timer doesn’t start until the child is calm, my husband and I sometimes spent 30 minutes to an hour in the calm down corner with a screaming child!
The calm down corner technique just wasn’t right for our family. I want my children to learn to regulate their moods and temper without me being held hostage as they scream bloody murder. I decided to tweek the calm down corner idea a bit and created a calm down area in our home instead.
Benefits Of A Calm Down Area
A calm down area is a space where kids can go to calm down and collect themselves when they are upset. It is not meant to be used as a punishment. When done correctly, sending a child to a calm down area can teach them how to:
• self-soothe and calm down on their own
• take a break when they are angry, sad, frustrated, and/or anxious
• think about how their thoughts and feelings impact their behaviors
How To Set Up A Calm Down Area
You don’t need much to set up a calm down area in your home. Chances are you already have most of what you need on hand.
Step 1: Designate a location for the calm down area.
The space chosen should allow for very little distraction. You want kids to focus on calming down and not on what is going on around them. If at all possible, make sure the space chosen is away from trash cans and is not directly under ceiling lights. Bright lights and strong odors can make it difficult for kids to relax.
Step 2 : Create a warm, soothing atmosphere in the space you choose for your calm down area.
Decorate the space with bean bags, soft pillows, blankets, stuffed animals. If this is not feasible, any comfy chair or mat will do. You can hang a feelings poster on the wall. (This will help in the completion of the calm down reflection sheet discussed later on).
Step 3: Add calming materials to the calm down area
Keep materials to a minimum. Having too many activities to choose from can further frustrate and overwhelm the child. Common calm down materials include:
• Rice bins
• Glitter jars
• A-Z Calm Down Cards (pictured above)
• Playdough
• Sensory balls
• Squeeze toys
• Bubbles
• Books on tape
• Books
• Coloring materials
• Pinwheels
• Things to count (i.e. pom-poms, cotton balls, coins, rocks, gems, etc.)
How To Use A Calm Down Area
In order for a calm down area to work, you have to believe in its usefulness and be willing to make adjustments to fit your family’s needs. Here are some suggestions for how to use the calm down area in your home.
1. Explain the calm down area to your kids. Let them know what it is for, how to use it, and what your expectations are. Discussing the calm down area with kids prior to them using it ensures that when they have to use it, they will know what to do.
2. Allow kids to get familiar with the calm down area when they are calm. This will give them a chance to explore the items in the calm down area and figure out what is most soothing for them. This is a great time to work with your kids to come up with a calm down plan for when they are upset.
3. Send kids to the calm down area BEFORE they melt down. Many parents are usually good at sensing when their child is on his/her way to having a meltdown. For example, I know when my son starts to whine for more than ten minutes he is in the beginning stages of throwing a tantrum. If you notice signs that your child is nearing their frustration tolerance limit, send them to the calm down area.
4. Discuss with your child any triggers you notice . As I said earlier, parents typically do a great job of ‘reading’ their kids. If you notice that your child is on the verge of a meltdown, share that information with them. For example, when my son is frustrated he starts pacing back and forth. I know it’s usually only a matter of time before he starts crying or screaming.
When children are aware of their triggers they can begin to tune into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and ask for a break on their own. You don’t want your kids to always rely on you to be their emotional compass. You want them to develop skills that will help them regulate themselves on their own.
5. Set a timer. Determine how long you want your child to remain in the calm down area. I recommend between five to ten minutes. You don’t want your calm down area to turn into a play area. Once your child settles down they should leave the calm down area.
6. Complete reflection sheet with kids. I recommend completing a reflection sheet with kids prior to them leaving the calm down area whenever possible. You can discuss the reflection questions or you can have your child complete the reflection form. Using a reflection sheet will help your child to process their thoughts and feelings about what led to them needing to use the calm down area.
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Karen says
Such great ideas for a child needing to relax a bit… and calm down. I will pass this on to my mommy friends! They will appreciate it!
Karen | GlamKaren.com
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks Karen! I appreciate that!
Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says
I am totaly in love with this idea. I need to make one for my house.
Heather lawrence says
I was actually looking into setting up one for the little ones in my day home.
Sometimes you just need a quiet place to sit and collect your thoughts and have some “me time’ and your suggestions are perfect!
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you! It really helps to have a space to calm down and unwind
Kori says
I had to keep these principles in mind when I was re-doing my daughter’s bedroom. She’s autistic, so it’s important to have a well organized room for her that also provides calming input.
Ana De- Jesus says
This is so much better than Supernanny’s idea because lets face it who wants to sit for 30 mins with a screaming child. I like how warm and welcoming but also educational the calm area is.
laura londergan says
I loved watching that show and used so many of her techniques when my daughter was younger! They really do work
jill conyers says
Moms need a calm down area too 🙂
Erin says
I used to have a calm area for my kids. Now I have one for me. I need it more than they do 😉 lol
Ellen says
I know some adults who could use a calm down area! Love these tips.
Yanique Chambers says
Me too and that adult is sometimes me!
Susannah says
I love this! It’s great to have a place to encourage little people to unwind.
Natalia Pessoa says
A calm area is a definite must! Great tips 🙂
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks!
Di says
I created this space for me. It’s technically for yoga and meditation but sometimes you just need to sit in silence and reconnect
Debra says
I absolutely love this! I have a sister that has SPD and this would help her immensely to have a safe space to calm down!
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you! She’ll love it, especially if she get’s a chance to help set it up.
MyTeenGuide says
Having a calm down area is a great idea. I need to create one for the twins.
Yona Williams says
I like the idea that the calm down area serves more as a distraction while a child calms down – rather than a punishment corner of sorts. Yours looks very welcoming.
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you!
April G says
That’s interesting. I watched the movie “The War Room” where they carve out a praying area. Very similar idea. I’ll see if I can find some place to put it.
Yanique Chambers says
I’ve never seen that movie but now I’m interested
Ana Fernandez says
I love to have a calm area at home! They are super needed when you have little ones around.
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks Ana!
Siniciliya says
you are so creative! Everyone needs a space like this
Paula says
My son often decides that he needs time to himself, and he will announce he’s going for a time out, and go into his room. I find it rather amazing that age 5 he does this. I like the idea of a calm area.
Kacie says
Learning to read your kid is so important. Like, Paula said ^ my son will let me know when he needs a break, a nap, or just some time to think to himself. Having a calm area in the house for him to do that seems like a great idea!
Yanique Chambers says
Yes…recognizing our children’s needs and helping to meet them goes a long way!
sylvie says
love this idea of a calm down area….the closes thing we have is in our little guy’s room, next to his bookshelf of books and building toys!
Yanique Chambers says
hey…if it works that’s all that matters!
Stacey says
Great ideas! I love the way you added comfort items to the area to help a child calm down. This is a great way to teach an important life skill!
Yanique Chambers says
Thanks Stacey!
Aubrey says
I think this is a great idea, especially that you suggests things that will help the child tune into their emotions. Recognizing what makes us upset as adults is challenging enough; it’s such a good a idea to start this growth at a much younger age.
Yanique Chambers says
Aubrey I totally agree. It’s much easier to teach kids these skills now as opposed to later when they are adults.
Krystal says
This might really help my three year old. Sometimes he has SO much energy it can be hard to get him to bed!
Yanique Chambers says
Sometimes I send the kids there to calm down before bedtime. It just seems like bedtime just ignites that second wind for kids. I don’t know what it is!
Hannah says
This is a great idea! I have a friend who did something else like this in her preschool classroom. It worked out really well!
Yanique Chambers says
Oh this is needed when working with that age group! Lol!
laci says
What a awesome idea especially for crazy ruff days I need to do this in my spare room asap. Love it.