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You are here: Home / Positive Parenting Tips / Gender Roles: 5 Phrases We Shouldn’t Tell Little Girls

Gender Roles: 5 Phrases We Shouldn’t Tell Little Girls

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When children come into the world, they are immediately  bombarded with stereotypes and biases about gender roles.  Society, the media, and parents all play a role in conveying to children what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl. For example, we dress little girls in pink and frills and boys in blue and sports-themed attire. We encourage girls to be nurturers and caregivers while telling boys to be leaders and providers.

As children transition from childhood to adolescence, their views on gender roles are significantly impacted by these stereotypes.  Since children’s first exposure to what gender roles are comes from their family, it’s crucial that parents be mindful of the gender role biases they might be passing on to their children.

Sometimes we don’t even recognize that we are reinforcing stereotypical views on gender roles in our children. Here are five common phrases typically said to girls that reinforce biases about gender roles.

5-phrases-we-shouldnt-say-to-little-girls

  1. You’re so bossy. Girls are often encouraged to be submissive, to not be pushy, and to be as demure as possible. Therefore, when a little girl defies expectations and asserts her opinions and wants, this challenges the stereotypical views of how girls should behave, and their behavior is perceived negatively. In contrast, when boys display the same behaviors, they are complimented for showing great leadership skills. This sends the message to little girls that they should be followers and allow their male counterparts to lead.
  1. Act like a lady.  Boys and girls are born into a world that automatically tells them how they should carry themselves. They are directly and indirectly told that girls like dresses, glitter and playing with dolls, while boys like sports and all things adventure. Girls should act like ladies by being kind and submissive. Ladies don’t yell or argue, so when a girl raises her voice and says unkind things, it’s not uncommon to hear someone reprimand her by saying “stop it and act like a lady.” When little girls are told to act like ladies, they learn that boys and girls are expected to behave a certain way and if they don’t behave the right way, they are somehow less of a girl. Phrases like act like a lady stifles little girls and prevents them from expressing their personalities for fear others will judge them.
  1. You’re such a drama queen. We all know the stereotype of women being extremely emotional and having their feelings cloud their judgment. When we accuse girls of behaving like drama queens, we reinforce this stereotype. We convey to girls that having a willingness to express their feelings and show emotion is a negative thing.  Additionally, labeling girls as drama queens when they express their feelings is an effective way to invalidate their feelings.
  1. You’re such a tomboy. A tomboy is defined as a girl who enjoys rough, noisy activities traditionally associated with boys. Some people think calling a girl a tomboy is some form of a compliment, but the label is problematic. Calling a girl a tomboy promotes the stereotype that ‘real’ girls don’t play sports, get dirty, or go on adventures. Those are things boys do. Therefore, any girl that does these things is different and requires their own special label. Labeling girls as tomboys can have a negative impact on their developing self-concept and self-image because the term tomboy implies that these girls are somehow not atypical.
  1. You’re so pretty. This one is a little tricky. I mean what’s the harm in telling little girls they are pretty? It builds their self-esteem, right? The answer to that is yes and no. Society bases so much of a woman’s identity on her physical appearance. When we bombard girls with praises of ‘you’re so pretty’, some girls start believing that their worth is tied to their appearance. Therefore, if they start getting messages from others that they are not pretty, they begin to question their worth. We can still tell girls they’re pretty, we just need to make sure that they know that they are more than just their physical appearance.

So if these phrases should be avoided, then what can we tell girls instead? Well, we can start encouraging them to be their authentic selves, even if it goes against stereotypes. We can celebrate their individuality and the richness of their personality. Most importantly, we can support our girls by helping them to redefine what it means to be a girl.

If you like this article, you may also like 6 Tips For Creating A Growth Mindset Home Environment

 

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Comments

  1. Tiffany says

    October 10, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Great tips! I think it’s important to encourage girls to be their authentic self – whatever that looks like to them!

    Reply
  2. Shann Eva says

    October 10, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    I love your suggestions as what to tell them instead. I think I’m guilty of telling my nieces how pretty or how cute they look, so I need to focus on other things about their personalities too.

    Reply
  3. Stephanie says

    October 12, 2016 at 4:04 am

    YES thank you for posting this. We need to prioritize raising our girls with positive attitudes. Also, it’s really important to raise our sons to be aware of these important messages.

    Reply
  4. Brittany says

    October 12, 2016 at 9:38 am

    I definitely agree with the tomboy comment. I was always told that as a kid and it makes you start to feel like you’re doing something you shouldn’t be.

    Reply
  5. Taylor Mobley says

    October 12, 2016 at 10:01 am

    I think instead of bossy we should tell girls they have leadership skills 😉 bossy has such awful, negative connotations. I always hated that growing up.

    Reply
  6. Terri says

    October 12, 2016 at 10:31 am

    You are absolutely right but I already know I will fail miserably on the pretty one. I will promise to work hard on it!

    Reply
  7. Kecia | OnlineIncomeMom says

    October 12, 2016 at 10:58 am

    I need to remember these for when my niece is older. I only have boys, but I try to be mindful of what I am saying to them too.

    Reply
  8. karen says

    October 12, 2016 at 11:36 am

    Tough stuff to think about in how we talk to girls. The pretty one is a slippery slope. You dont want girls to think that this is a priority, yet you dont want them wondering if they look ok. Know what I mean? But – great things to think about and be mindful of for sure!

    Reply
  9. Vicky says

    October 12, 2016 at 11:40 am

    These are all good suggestions. I have thought to myself that my daughter is a drama queen (which is probably not a great thing to think) but I have not said it to her.

    Reply
  10. Kori says

    October 12, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    I will really need to keep these in mind with my toddler! I do use the bossy phrase with her but not necessarily because of her gender- more because of her 2 going on 20 attitude.

    Reply
  11. Lisa says

    October 12, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    Raising little girls is so hard these days with all the social media and messages they see each day. I try to reassure my daughter she can do anything. I want her to have self esteem and know that being a good person and trying her best at whatever she does is so important. We must be mindful every day.

    Reply
  12. Charlotte says

    October 12, 2016 at 7:01 pm

    I totally agree and love your alternatives, It is so hard because you feel like you are being harmless when talking to them but actually we are fostering gender roles and equality without realising it and ultimately nothing will change unless we do it ourselves, love this post!

    Reply
  13. Reesa says

    October 12, 2016 at 10:19 pm

    Wow I am sure I am guilty of a lot of these without even realizing it!!! It’s really so true, we need to be more careful how we speak to our daughters!

    Reply
  14. OurFamilyWorld says

    October 12, 2016 at 10:31 pm

    I am guilty of number 2. I used to say this to my daughter when she was younger. These are great suggestions.

    Reply
  15. Kristin says

    October 12, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    I love these phrases. I am guilty of saying a couple of them to my older daughter. I have called her a drama queen on occasion but I call my nephew that too so it all depends. I love that you give alternatives for the “you are pretty” comment. Whenever we say that to our girls we try to give another compliment right on top of it, such as you are also very kind. Its all a balancing act.

    Reply
  16. Cynthia says

    October 12, 2016 at 11:09 pm

    Yes yes yes! We are responsible to lifting our daughters up! Only we can teach them to be true to themselves and to be authentic

    Reply
  17. Blythe says

    October 12, 2016 at 11:22 pm

    My mom always told my sister and I to act like ladies, but she never meant it in a condescending or gender role kind of way. She also told my brother to act like a gentleman. So to me, acting like a lady means have confidence and respect for myself, so others do the same.

    Reply
  18. Amanda Love says

    October 13, 2016 at 4:51 am

    These are great suggestions and it’s perfect for empowering young girls as they grow up. They shouldn’t be raised as if they are weaker or have less abilities to do what they want to do in life.

    Reply
  19. Megan mccoig says

    October 13, 2016 at 5:05 am

    This is a great post, I’ve never seen anything like this. I agree with all of them, especially the tom boy one as it’s not fair to encourage girls to change who they want to be!

    Reply
  20. Cara (@StylishGeek) says

    October 13, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    Thanks for your awesome suggestion. I had to think back what I often say to my daughter. I think it’s two things (1) It does not have to be perfect but at least do your best, and (2) Being smart is better than being pretty. 🙂

    Reply
  21. Krystel @ Planning The Magic says

    October 13, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    I love this article and think it’s so important to share this kind of thing with parents. I hear it all the time and of course parents don’t mean harm but it’s something we should become more aware of. Great article, def sharing.

    Reply
  22. Jennifer Corter says

    October 14, 2016 at 7:32 am

    I completely agree with all of these! Most especially act like a lady. No, let the kid act like they want to act. Let them grow into themselves, not be forced into a tight little lady-like box.

    Reply
  23. Denea says

    October 14, 2016 at 8:56 am

    Some I say to my little girl. Like your so pretty because she is beautiful but I see your point. Thanks for sharing these suggestions, I will know think before I say some of these things,

    Reply
  24. CourtneyLynne says

    October 14, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    Great suggestions!! I’m guilty of always telling little ones how pretty they are -_- makes yoga sense why it’s not always a good thing….

    Reply
  25. Foodie Finds Home says

    October 16, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    This is an interesting post, I have stated a few of these phrases before and will consider them before stating them again.

    Reply
  26. Ellie Augustin says

    October 16, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    Love these! I remember when I was little I would hear over and over again your such a tomboy.. I always use to say HUH why cause I can run faster then the boys and would rather get dirty and play with cars and HATE dresses? My dad was my support and he would give me what he knew I needed and would get my baseball caps and encouraged me to be me. I do that with my girls they love baseball but they all love all pretty things which was actually new to me since I had their brothers before them and I actually knew what to do w/them Ha.. But now I embrace our Tea parties and truck play. The most important thing is to encourage my girls. Oh and I’m still a “tomboy w/a cute side Ha…

    Reply
  27. christina aliperti says

    October 17, 2016 at 3:47 am

    I love this! I was always called a tomboy growing up. It didn’t bother me till I became an adult.

    Reply
  28. Lucy Valdez says

    October 17, 2016 at 10:53 am

    I try to use phrases like “overly dramatic” and it applies to both my kids! I also teach them to push back when they feel like they are being bullied or belittled by anyone…I think as a society we are getting way too pc but I think with kids you never know what kind of an affect it is going to have.

    Reply
  29. Anvita says

    October 17, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    Some really good advice here. One could make it appropriate for a boy too. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
  30. Robin Rue says

    November 1, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    This is such an awesome post. We tend to say things like this and not realize we are doing it.

    Reply

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