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10 Things I Want My Son To Know

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10 Things I want my son to know

I have seen numerous articles written by parents outlining lessons they want their children to know as they get older. It prompted me to start thinking about the lessons I want my son to learn now that he is entering the tween years.

Initially my list sounded like every other list I saw. This didn’t surprise me because I think most parents want their children to be happy, safe, successful, and healthy.

However, as the parent of an African-American son who already looks older than his age, I had to come to terms with the fact that there are things that I have to include on my list that other parents do not.

As much as I know and believe that all people are created equally, the reality is inequality exists and racism exists. I can’t simply prepare my son for the world I wish we lived in. I have to prepare him for the world he actually lives in.

Here are the 10 things I want my son to know:

1. There are people who will judge you because of the color of your skin. They might clutch their handbags when they see you or form an opinion of you based on whatever stereotype they believe. They won’t know how sweet you are and that you have a heart of gold. They won’t know how you indulged your baby sister by pretending to be Elsa when she wanted to act out all the scenes from Frozen. They won’t see the sweet boy who used his allowance to buy school supplies for a school damaged by hurricane Sandy. Don’t let their ignorance change the person you are. Hold onto your sweetness and the love you have for humanity. Know that you were created perfect in God’s eyes and love the skin you’re in.

2. Anything can be accomplished through hard work. You have the potential to do great things. However, if you don’t put the work in, all you will ever have is potential. You get from life what you put in. On the days when you feel like quitting, give one hundred and ten percent effort. Even if you don’t get the results you want, you will know that you did your best.

3. Life isn’t fair and that’s OK. Bad things will happen to good people, and sometimes you will work harder than the next person and they will reap the rewards. I don’t know why this happens, but I know it’s pointless asking yourself the ‘why me’ question. Don’t let self-pity stand in the way of your happiness. Even though things might not happen the way you want them to, you have to find the strength to persevere.  Learn from your failures and keep pressing on.

4. Don’t be a hater. Envying the way someone else’s life is unfolding is a waste of time. You don’t know the road they traveled or the sacrifices they made to get to where they are. All you see is the end result. If you want to be where they are, ask questions instead of stewing in jealousy.

5. Sometimes it’s better to be happy than to be right. You are a righteous young man and I think it’s wonderful that you stand up for what you believe in. However, being a right-fighter will not always be in your best interest. Sometimes it’s OK to concede, even when you know you are absolutely right. When you start dating you will appreciate this advice.

6. Life is a journey, not a sprint. Since you were a little boy all you’ve wanted to do is grow up. There’s no rush. You don’t get a prize for finishing life first, at least I don’t think you do. Life is filled with possibilities. Give yourself permission to explore as many of them as you can and enjoy yourself. Don’t get caught up in what you think you should accomplish by age 18, 21, 30 etc. As long as you stay true to yourself, you will end up exactly where you are supposed to be.

7. Remember to laugh. There is always a reason to be sad and depressed. Just watch the evening news. However, never miss an opportunity to let loose and laugh from your gut. It will instantly put you in a good mood. If you can’t find anything to laugh at, I have tons of pictures in your scrapbook and home movies to entertain you with.

8. Be grateful for what you have. You might not always have the things you want, but you do have what you need. You have a family that loves you unconditionally and will be there for you through thick and thin. You have your health, your sanity (this might change if you have kids) and you have breath in your body. I know that this seems like a bare bones list and somewhat cliché. However, when you have love, health, breath, and peace of mind, you can weather any storm that comes your way.

9. Help others who are in need. No matter how hard you think you have it, there is always someone out there less fortunate than you. If you have no material thing to give, then give a kind word. You never know what a person is going through and sometimes a word of encouragement is all they need to make it through.

10. When you interact with the police, remember the do’s and don’ts. Understand that although the police are there to serve and protect, some of them are among those who will judge you based on the color of your skin. We’ve taught you to respect everyone, but it’s important that you are ALWAYS on your best behavior when you come in contact with the police. Do answer all questions with either a ‘yes, sir, no sir’ or ‘yes ma’am’, no ma’am’. Do as you are told and ask no questions, even if you believe you are being treated unfairly. Do keep your hands in plain sight and don’t make any sudden movements.

I know some people won’t understand why it’s important for my son to be aware of numbers 1 and 10. However, I can still remember comforting him after he was called the N word for the first time. Sadly, I know that there will be other times people will use that term to define him. As for number 10, I can’t in good conscience not prepare my son when I know that he fits the profile of who statistically the police aim to protect society from.

Comments

  3. These lists always make me teary eyed. Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones, but I was almost crying at part where your son acted out Frozen scenes with his sister.
    This list is wonderful, and you sound like you’ve been blessed by a marvelous young man.

    Reply

    • I think I cried my entire pregnancy. It didn’t matter if I was happy, sad, tired, I was a weeping mess. I’m so glad you took the time to read. It was a hard one for me to write.

      Reply

    • Thank you. I couldn’t agree with you more. I know I can’t protect him from everything,but I at least want to prepare him so he can take care of himself. Thanks for stopping by:-)

      Reply

  6. First of all, I wanted to tell you I think your blog is wonderful. You have so much informative information for parents to use for their children. At first I thought your were a teacher then after browsing your site I realized your a have a master in Social work, that make sense now looking at everything on your site.. Second of all , your son is very handsome, and has a smart and loving mother that loves him very much. Third of all, your post was wonderfully written but a bit sad. I’m going to pin this so other parents can read it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!

    Reply

    • Thanks so much for the the kind words. It really means a lot to me. I always hope that someone can benefit from my experiences. I know I’m always learning from others and like to pay it forward when I can. I also appreciate the support and thanks for sharing 🙂

      Reply

  9. I think these are all great lessons to teach your son before he starts to enter manhood. The tween years are hard and confusing as it is, maybe mapping out some encouraging guidance ahead of time like this is the key to making it easier!

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  10. I so wish we lived in a world where your son didn’t have to be taught 1 or 10. He sounds like an amazing young man, and you, an amazing mother. Thank you for sharing this 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you for your kind words. I wish 1 and 10 weren’t a reality either. Luckily we have been blessed to have really tolerant and caring people in our lives that far outweighs the amount of intolerant people we cross paths with. Thanks so much for reading:-)

      Reply

  11. These are important lessons and the world definitely isn’t a perfect place so sometimes the lessons aren’t always rosy! What a sweet picture!

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  12. I love this post – these are very important things for your son to know. It is a shame that we live in a world where people judge others on appearances but so important to teach our children how to live in an imperfect world and help them to be happy with who they are regardless of how others may see them.

    Reply

  13. I left a comment earlier but wasn’t sure if it went through. I think these are great lessons. Sometimes we have to teach our kids things about the world that isn’t all sunshine and roses.

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  14. Congratulations on being featured at this weeks Turn It Up Tuesday! I can’t wait to see what you link up this week! Following you on all your social media now. Have a terrific week!

    Reply

  15. I really like this post. Your son sounds like a sweet boy who will grow to be a respectable young man. Thank you for tossing your hat into the ring at the Party Under The Big Top! I hope to see you again next week!
    #BigTopBlogParty

    Reply

  16. Such a beautifully written post! The honesty and the love radiate from this piece. Your son has got himself a fabulous mother! Such important lessons, presented with such poise…absolutely perfect.

    Thank you so much for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays! Hope to see you again next week!

    Reply

    • Thank you! I really appreciate your comments. Us moms can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, it’s nice to hear a kind word of support from other people. Looking forward to linking up next week

      Reply

  17. You always have the BEST parenting tips, lessons, ideas, thoughts, etc. and I just want to say that you are a WONDERFUL Mom. The list of things you want your son to know are such very important lessons every young man needs to learn before entering their teen years, in my opinion at least. As a Mom who raised a pretty terrific son myself, he’s now an amazing man at 26, your son sounds like he’s already a young man to be VERY proud of and whom I’d be honored to say that I know! Thanks for doing such a great job in raising a “future man!”

    Thank you for linking up to Party Under the Big Top, the #BigTopBlogParty! So happy you were able to join in on the fun this week!

    Wishing you a fabulous week!

    Much love,

    Lysa xx
    Welcome to My Circus

    Reply

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I always hope that something I picked up along the way can be useful to someone else. I’ve learned so much from so many wonderful people and I just want to pay it forward. Looking forward to linking up next week!

      Reply

  19. Fantastic post! Unfortunately in today’s society we still need to teach these lessons, which makes me sad. I wished by now, we would have come further than we actually have. I myself, have had similar lessons with my five children, two of which are half Irish & half Dominican, because we have had numerous issues in our small town over the years. It’s quite disturbing what a heavy accent & dark skin does to people. I love this post and will be sharing it with my children and others. Your son sounds like an amazing young man who has an amazing mom. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    Reply

    • It is unfortunate that we live in a society that still can’t see beyond race. I hope that in my lifetime society takes bigger strides towards being more inclusive. Thankfully, the majority of people I come across are loving and accepting. I wish the best for you and your family. I know it’s not easy.

      Reply

  22. These are 10 very important lessons! Thank you for sharing this wonderful post with us at the Bloggers Brags Weekly Pinterest Party! I am pinning to our Bloggers Brag board on PInterest. We hope to see you again next week!

    Reply

  23. Ahh this is beautiful and what great advice you are passing down to your son. It shows what a wonderful mother you are darling. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

    Reply

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