How To Set Boundaries Even When You Feel Guilty

Inside: How to set boundaries and strategies to cope when you feel guilty saying no.

If you’re a school social worker, you know what it’s like to be constantly interrupted. Just as you’re about to write your notes or prep for a session, someone knocks on your door.

A teacher needs help managing a disruptive student, an overwhelmed parent wants to vent, and someone called out so now you’re stuck helping out in the classroom.

It feels like you’re being pulled in every direction, leaving little time for you to get work done. Your inbox is full of requests that have nothing to do with your role as a social worker:

“Hey can you cover lunch and recess today?”  

“We need you to proctor the exam next week. It’s all hands on deck!”

“Can you please help monitor the hallway during dismissal?”

By the end of the day, your actual job, the work you were trained and hired to do, gets pushed aside.

Instead of providing counseling, running groups, or advocating for students, you’re scrambling to catch up on notes after hours.

You stay late, take work home, and tell yourself that if you just push through, you’ll get everything done.

But Here’s the Problem…

You never get it all done because the interruptions and extra tasks never stop coming. The more you try to play catch up the more you fall behind.

The cycle never ends because the demands keep growing, but the amount of time you have doesn’t. For some of us, part of what keeps us stuck in this cycle is guilt.

You worry about what people will think if you set boundaries.

What if they see me as lazy? What if they think I’m incompetent because I can’t get it all done?

So, you push yourself past your limits, hoping that by saying ‘yes’ to everything, you’ll prove your dedication.

But this just isn’t true. I know from personal experience that over-extending yourself doesn’t make you a better school social worker. It makes you an overwhelmed one.

The Reason Why You Feel Guilty Setting Boundaries

Often, when you feel guilty setting boundaries at work, it’s not just about work. It’s tied to your deeper beliefs about what it means to be competent, caring, and valuable.

You might worry that saying “no” makes you seem unhelpful or that limiting your availability means you’re not fully committed to your students.

Maybe you believe that being a “good” school social worker means always being available, putting others first, and going the extra mile, even at the expense of your own well-being.

These beliefs usually run deeper than just the job.

They’re often shaped by cultural values, family expectations, or past experiences that taught you that putting others first is what makes you valuable.

So, when you try to set a boundary, like closing your door to finish reports or sticking to your scheduled sessions; it can stir up feelings of guilt, anxiety, or even that nagging fear of being seen as lazy or uncaring.

Sound familiar? It’s tough, but you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way.

Why It’s Important to Set Boundaries

Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They help you define what’s okay and what’s not in your relationships.

Setting boundaries isn’t about doing less, it’s about making sure you can do your job well without running yourself into the ground. ‘

Boundaries help you take back control of your day, so instead of reacting to every interruption, you can focus on what really matters.

Plus, when you set clear expectations with teachers, parents, and students, it leads to smoother communication and fewer last-minute surprises.

The best part? Boundaries don’t just make work smoother, they also safeguard your personal time. They allow you to go home, unwind, and actually enjoy your evenings without exhaustion taking over.

Ultimately, setting boundaries is about finding a balance that lets you support your students while still taking care of yourself.

And so an important question is: When you’re overwhelmed with work and drowning in feelings of guilt, how can you remember to advocate for yourself and set boundaries?

Here’s A Quick Fix For Setting Boundaries, Even When You Feel Guilty

It’s totally normal to freeze up when you’re trying to set a boundary, especially if you grew up thinking that putting your own needs first was somehow wrong.

Just the idea of speaking up can kick your stress response into high gear, bringing up anxiety, panic, or that foggy feeling where it’s hard to think straight.

That’s where having a plan really helps. When you know what you want to say and how you want to say it, setting boundaries feels way less overwhelming.

It gives you clarity and structure, so you’re not going into the conversation blind. A big part of the stress around setting boundaries comes from not knowing what to expect or how to respond.

A plan helps you prep your wording, think through possible reactions, and feel more confident navigating whatever comes up.

The Boundary Blueprint: A 7-Step Plan for Setting Boundaries

So, let’s take the pressure off. You don’t have to wing it or figure it out on the spot. Instead, here’s a simple plan you can use to prepare yourself before setting boundaries.

This will help you feel more grounded, clear, and ready when the moment comes.

Step 1: Identify Your Pain Points

Start by thinking about the moments when you feel most stressed or overwhelmed. Those times when you’ve worked late, felt resentful, or found yourself constantly putting out fires.

These are often signs that a boundary is missing.

As you reflect, pay attention to when emotions like guilt, frustration, or pressure show up. They’re often clues that point to where you need to set limits.

Take a moment to check in with yourself and scan your body from head to toe. Bring awareness to what you notice.

For example, “I notice tightness in my chest. I’m thinking I should be doing more. I feel guilty because I want to help, but I’ also feel overwhelmed.” Just pause and listen to what your body and mind are telling you.

Step 2: Define Your Non-Negotiables

Once you’ve identified where you feel stretched too thin, outline your non-negotiables. This includes setting clear work hours, break times, and limits around tasks that fall outside your role.

Decide what’s essential for your well-being and what tasks you simply can’t take on.

Step 3: Communicate Boundaries Clearly

Now it’s time to actually communicate your boundaries. Let staff, students, and families know when you’re available and what your role includes. Keep it clear and simple.

You could say something like, “I’m available for student sessions from 9 AM to 3 PM. After that, please contact the main office if it’s an emergency.”

Setting expectations like this early on helps prevent confusion later.

And if you start to feel a little guilty while having these conversations? That’s completely normal. You can remind yourself (and even say out loud, if it helps):

“It feels a little uncomfortable saying ‘no’, but this boundary will help me feel less stressed later on.”

Step 4: Practice Saying “No” (or “Not Right Now”)

Saying “no” doesn’t have to feel harsh. It can be direct and kind. If someone asks you to take on an extra task that exceeds your limits, you can say:

“I’d love to help, but I need to finish these student reports first.”

Also, offering alternatives helps soften the boundary and makes it more collaborative. For example, instead of saying, “I can’t stay late anymore,” you might say, “I can’t stay late today, but I’d be happy to meet first thing tomorrow or suggest a few strategies for handling this.”

This way, you’re still setting a clear limit while showing you’re willing to be helpful and find another solution. Offering alternatives shows that you care while also honoring your own needs.

If you experience feelings of guilt, notice it with curiosity and no judgment: Where in your body do you feel it? How does it feel? What thoughts are coming up for you?

So let’s say the vice principal wants you to sub because a teacher’s out. You know this will take up a big chunk of your day and is way outside of your scope of responsibilities.

You don’t want to do it, but feel guilty saying ‘no’ because the building is short staffed. Here’s what coping with that guilt might look like:

Step 5: Create Systems to Protect Your Time

Think about how you can structure your day in a way that naturally supports your boundaries.

Maybe that looks like blocking off time for focused work, setting office hours for student drop-ins, or using a simple to-do list to stay on top of things.

When your schedule reflects your priorities, it’s easier to say ‘no,’ because your time is already spoken for.

And if someone pushes back or asks for more than you can give, you can calmly remind them of your availability.

If that familiar guilt starts to creep in, pause and go back to the basics: notice it, name it, and remind yourself it’s completely normal. Guilt is just part of the process. It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

Step 6: Monitor, Reflect, and Adjust

Setting boundaries isn’t something you do just once, it’s an ongoing process. At the end of each week, take a moment to reflect on what went well and where you found yourself struggling.

Maybe you’re still answering emails late at night, or you’re feeling resentful after certain meetings. These moments of reflection can help you tweak your approach.

Also, pay attention to when guilt played a part in your decisions. Think about how you might handle those situations differently next time.

Recognizing these patterns allows you to adjust your boundaries in a way that feels more sustainable for you.

Step 7: Prioritize Self-Care (Without Guilt)

Finally, make self-care non-negotiable. Schedule regular breaks throughout your day. Even just five minutes of deep breathing or a quick walk can do wonders to reset your energy.

Protect your personal time outside of work for things that recharge you, like spending time with family, reading, or just resting.

When that familiar guilt shows up (and it will), acknowledge it with something like, “It’s okay to feel guilty; it just means I care. But I also need to take care of myself.”

Knowing When to Set Boundaries

As a school social worker, you’re always balancing the needs of students, staff, and families. Setting clear boundaries is key to taking care of yourself and staying effective in your role.

But how do you know when it’s time to set boundaries?

Here are some signs that you might be nearing your limit and need to start making changes to protect your time and energy.

• Constant Exhaustion: If you’re feeling physically and emotionally drained after every meeting or interaction, it’s a clear sign that your boundaries aren’t being respected, or that you haven’t set them strong enough.
  
  When you constantly work and don’t take time to recharge, you stretch yourself thin. The exhaustion you feel isn’t just about being tired; it’s your body and mind telling you that you’re pushing beyond your limits.
  
  If you’re always in this state, you can’t be at your best for anyone. That’s a big clue that it’s time to set some boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
• Resentment Building Up: If you start feeling resentful towards students, colleagues, or parents—especially when they make last-minute requests or expect more than you can realistically handle, that’s a major red flag.
  
  It usually means you’re giving more than you have to offer, without getting the support or recognition you need in return.
  
  That feeling of resentment is your body’s way of telling you that your boundaries need to be stronger.
  
  When you don’t set limits, people can unknowingly push you past your breaking point, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated.
• Anxiety or Overwhelm: If you’re feeling anxious about upcoming meetings or dreading your workload, it’s a sign that your boundaries around time and energy might not be clear enough.
  
  When tasks start piling up and you’re overwhelmed just thinking about them, that’s a major indicator that you need to set stronger boundaries.
  
  Without clear limits, it’s easy to get caught in a cycle of stress, trying to do everything at once and feeling like there’s never enough time.
  
  Setting clear expectations for yourself and others can help you regain control and reduce that anxiety.
• You’re Constantly Saying “Yes”: If you find yourself agreeing to things that aren’t aligned with your role or taking on tasks outside of your scope because you’re afraid to say no, it can quickly lead to burnout. Saying “yes” too often might mean you’re not respecting your own capacity.
• Feeling Like You’re Not Being Respected: If you’re constantly feeling disrespected—whether it’s being asked to work outside of your hours, not being acknowledged for your hard work, or having your expertise overlooked—it’s a clear sign that boundaries need to be set.
  
  When this happens, it often means that others aren’t aware of or are choosing to ignore your limits, and it’s up to you to assert your boundaries.
  
  Respecting yourself starts with holding others accountable and making sure they treat you with the value you deserve.
  
  Setting boundaries helps protect your time and energy, and ensures you’re not being taken for granted.
• Neglecting Self-Care: When you start to put your own well-being last on the list, it’s often because you’re not setting boundaries.
  
  If you find yourself skipping breaks, staying late, or feeling guilty about taking time for yourself, it’s a strong signal that you need to establish limits that prioritize your well-being.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being difficult or saying no to everything. It’s about knowing your limits and making sure you’re not running on empty.

When you’re clear about what you can and can’t take on, you’re not just protecting your time, you’re also protecting your mental and emotional well-being so you can keep showing up and doing your job effectively.

Take the First Step Today

Are you ready to stop feeling overwhelmed and start setting boundaries that protect your peace? It’s time to take the first step today.

Get a copy of my Setting Boundaries cheat sheet and you’ll be able to identify area where you need to set a boundary, communicate it clearly, and follow through with consistency.

Over time, you’ll feel more balanced, confident, and in control.

Your peace is worth protecting. Start setting boundaries today and regain control of your time.

Want More?

For more ideas on how to set boundaries and protect your time, check out 10 Best Time Management Strategies To Get Work Done Now

Your Turn

How do you set boundaries at work? Share in the comments below.