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Four Mommy Wars That Should End

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4 mommy wars that should end

Although 2015 isn’t even half way over, there are some things that I would like to see laid to rest before we welcome 2016. I read a lot of mommy blogs and there is always some  ‘mommy war’ cropping up. Parents are duking it out over who raises their kids better and who has it harder as a parent. I thought the U.S. Congress had problems! Trust me, their arguing and intense debates is nothing compared to those moms who are steadfast in their beliefs and are committed to verbally annihilating anyone who remotely disagrees with them.

In the spirit of unity and solidarity, I would love for a cease fire in the following ‘wars’:

Stay at home moms vs. working moms. I don’t even know why this is even a thing. All moms are working moms in my opinion. Some moms just get a paycheck every two weeks. I’ve been on both sides and neither one is exactly a retreat in paradise. Both groups of moms worry about keeping their children safe, adequately meeting their needs, and being there for them when it matters. Both experience mom guilt and both never quite feel like they are living up to expectations. Given that stay at home moms and working moms are hard enough on themselves already, can we just end the debate about who has it harder and support each other instead of tearing each other down?

Breast feeding vs. Formula feeding. Again, I have been on both sides. I had my first child at 24 and the thought of having another human sucking on me for nourishment was gross. I wanted no parts of it and was content with feeding my baby formula. The lactation consultant who visited me after I had my son was intent on changing my mind. So much so that during our conversation she took my boob and shoved into my son’s mouth to which he latched on. I was mortified, but my little guy seemed to like it so it was worth giving nursing a try.

I get that there are real benefits to breastfeeding and now I’m all for it. However, blogger Jennifer Brenan from Breastfeeding Needs raises a good point here.  Do we have to humiliate the parents who choose to bottle feed or in some cases have to bottle feed? On the flip side, do we have to mock women who breast feed and question how long or where they nurse? Instead of bashing each other, why not focus on children who are starving and are malnourished. They are not getting ANY food!

Attachment parenting vs. Free range parenting vs. positive parenting vs. conscious parenting, etc. I can’t even keep up with all the labels! Blogger Leslie Sholly from Life in Every Limb wrote a great piece on this issue here. People get into their respective corners and start hurling insults at each other to defend what they believe to be the best style of parenting. The interesting thing is that there are benefits to many of the different parenting styles.

However, some styles work better for some children than others. I’m OK with people subscribing to whatever style they choose, but why do they feel it necessary to impose their beliefs on other parents? Everyone has a belief system based on their life experiences. We all experience life differently and therefore will have different values and viewpoints. This doesn’t make people bad parents. Are there people who distort certain parenting styles and go to the extreme? Of course! But why throw the baby out with the bath water?

Six pack mommy vs thick in the waist mommy. Remember that picture of that really in shape mom surrounded by three kids with the caption that read “What’s your excuse?” Yeah, those were the ultimate fighting words! The picture went viral and moms who weren’t part of the six pack crew prepared for battle and posted their own pictures to social media stating what they believed was their excuse. Some of the responses were clever and I loved it! However, I feel like this also created an epidemic of women who feel its necessary to post pictures of their flawed post baby bodies all over the internet.

Initially it was a statement and one I supported. However, enough with the post baby bikini shots displaying stretch marks and cellulite for the world to see. Yes, it’s important for people to love their bodies and have a positive self-image. I hear you loud and clear. The problem is, every time I get to a space where I feel good about myself, some bikini clad mom shows up on the scene to remind me of the toll pregnancy took on my body. We all don’t feel empowered by these constant reminders. Is there no other way to encourage people to love themselves than to highlight all the ways pregnancy changes a woman’s body over and over and over again? Trust me, we live it. We know!

I’m not naïve enough to believe that all moms will unite and have a cumbaya fire side moment. It would just be nice for the blaming and shaming to end. Most people don’t respond well to humiliation and tend to get defensive anyway. It’s one thing to want to inform people, but in the end, they are free to make whatever choices they want to make, regardless of how you feel.

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Comments

  1. Minh says

    April 2, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    After becoming a parent, I quickly discovered how passionate moms were about their kids/parenting and I guess I am one of them now too 🙂 But I agree with you it be nice for the “blaming and shaming” to end! I have recently discovered from reading some of the blogs that cloth diapering is now starting to become a hot topic as well. When I had my child it was definitely breast feeding vs. formula feeding and cloth diapering wasn’t even on the radar. Funny how things change so quickly in the last 4yrs since I’ve had my little one. Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 5:18 am

      Since writing this post I’ve heard of so many other great debates. I didn’t know for instance that now people are arguing about whether or not having a C-Section is really giving birth. What’s next?!

      Reply
  2. Leslie says

    April 2, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    Thanks for the shoutout, Yanique! I love the way you tied all these together. I’ve also been on both sides of the “wars,” having worked part-time when I first had kids and my husband was in school, and having to give supplemental formula to my last baby due to failure to thrive. We could all try being kind for a start. 🙂

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 5:20 am

      You are welcome. Your post inspired me so a shout out was only fair! We moms are just trying to do our best. I wonder what mom’s from previous generations would have to say about these ‘war?’

      Reply
  3. Rachel G says

    April 3, 2015 at 7:32 am

    You’ve hit the nail on the head–parenting seems to be one area where people really like to draw lines, and take sides–and defend their position…but not all hills are worth ‘dying on’. I believe there are things fundamentally true about good and bad parenting–as in the importance of loving and valuing your children–my grandma was adopted out of an extremely abusive home when she was 9 year old, and that left huge scars with her for life. But within the context of love–there’s a lot of leeway, I think.

    Reply
  4. Kim Hilbert says

    April 3, 2015 at 8:20 am

    I had no idea there were “mommy wars” going on. After reading this article, I see what you mean. I do agree with you it needs to end. I think the “What’s your excuse” type headlines are out there just to get a reaction and for it to go viral. But that’s a poor reason to start the shaming game.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:28 am

      Kim it’s crazy the wars moms get into. It’s like the grown up version of mean girls sometimes.

      Reply
  5. Agatha says

    April 3, 2015 at 10:23 am

    Yes, they should end! I can’t stand the constant comparisons especially when it comes to those who are in the family.

    Reply
  6. michelle h says

    April 3, 2015 at 10:49 am

    I try not to get in the middle of battles like these, but they do seriously need to stop. Parents have it hard enough without being second-guessed about their choices.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:27 am

      Michelle they really do. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and we are all just trying to do the best we can.

      Reply
  7. Crystal says

    April 3, 2015 at 11:47 am

    These really are not going anywhere. We are all going to continue to be human. The real key is for each of us to be able to deal with it when the inevitable snide remark comes our way. Read more about it in my linked article.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:25 am

      Crystal I don’t believe these mommy wars are a sign of our ‘humaness’ per se. I see it more as a lack of respect and compassion for each other. Snide remarks I can deal with. However sometimes when you see that something is wrong and hurtful to others, there’s nothing wrong with calling it out. Too often people make reckless statements simply because they can. There are real consequences to what we say. I’m not offended by mommy wars. When someone argues that a C section is not really giving birth or that giving formula is poisoning your baby, I try to put myself in the person shoes who is on the receiving end of some of these statements. I’m sure they feel a range of emotions, least of which is being offended. Words hurt, and people need to be held accountable for some of the things they say. Just because you can say what you want, doesn’t mean you should.

      Reply
      • Mrs Tubbs says

        April 12, 2015 at 2:41 pm

        True this. At the end of the day, most of us are doing the best we can for our kids in our particular circumstances. If it isn’t helpful or kind, do we really need to say it to someone else?! #sharewityme

        Reply
  8. SixPackMommy says

    April 3, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    YES! Parenting is hard enough without the mom-bashing that happens so often from two sides of an issue. You’ve really nailed the major trouble areas, too.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:06 am

      It drives me crazy! The funny thing is,when our kids get older none of this will matter to them.

      Reply
  9. Shailee says

    April 3, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    I completely agree. All of these conflicting arguments make me question my parenting technique until I realize that no one has the answer. We all do what’s best for us and our kids. Sometimes, I just stop looking up stuff because it doesn’t help. I learned to just trust my own instincts more and ask for advice from supportive people.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:04 am

      You really have to tune it out sometimes. It an be maddening otherwise. I’m working on trusting my instincts more and that is sound advice Shailee!

      Reply
  10. Jaime says

    April 3, 2015 at 2:01 pm

    Definitely agree! I couldn’t breastfeed and felt guilty feeding my daughter formula, especially when we were in public. No one should have to feel guilty about how to raise children!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 5:25 am

      It’s absurd! Some parents already question the choices they make as parents. We don’t need to make them feel guilty. It would be so much more helpful to show understanding and compassion. Thanks Jaime for stopping by!

      Reply
  11. sara says

    April 3, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Amen! We are all doing the best that we can. The pressure we put on ourselves is bad enough. No mom needs the the “mom bashing” from strangers.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 5:27 am

      YES! It just compounds whatever negative beliefs we have about our parenting skills. Sure it shouldn’t matter what other people think, but words do hurt. Thanks for commenting Sara!

      Reply
  12. Emily says

    April 3, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    I love this and wholeheartedly agree. I know someone, we used to be friends… she had a parenting blog a while back and I was an avid supporter, at first. But then when I tried to respectfully disagree on a couple of her topics, she and her husband both went on the attack, to me OR to anyone who didn’t agree 100% with their viewpoint. It become very polarizing, and needless to say, we are no longer friends. It was disappointing that I couldn’t try to gently disagree and share my viewpoint with them! We should all be able to parent as we see fitting for us and our own unique situations and viewpoints, and KINDLY disagree with others, without feeling attacked for sharing our personal opinion.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 5:34 am

      So sorry to hear about your experience with your former friend. I agree with you. I’m all for respectful dialogue. None of us have a parenting manual. I’m not an expert on all things parenting. If someone has knowledge that can help me along the way, I welcome them sharing their opinions if they do so in a respectful manner. Thanks Emily for stopping by 🙂

      Reply
  13. annabelt - geeks diet says

    April 3, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    Yes definitely – the first one especially causes so much bad feeling.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 3:01 am

      It really does. I don’t even know why it’s an issue! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      Reply
  14. mommytime365 says

    April 4, 2015 at 1:14 am

    Yeah, it’s crazy. I just saw a post the other day saying how c-section birth isn’t really giving birth, seriously nuts! That was a wonderful post!! 😉

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 2:59 am

      No way are you kidding?! If it’s not birth I would love to know what it is! Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  15. Kathy says

    April 4, 2015 at 4:47 am

    You’re right, the mum bashing has to stop. We are all guilty of it, and we have to stop, think that we are all doing the best we can at the most important job going and give each other a break and agree to disagree.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 4, 2015 at 4:56 am

      Absolutely! It’s hard enough worrying about our children. Parents need support not shaming.

      Reply
  16. Anna (Yay Interiors + Lifestyle, Beauty & Fashion) says

    April 4, 2015 at 5:51 am

    I am not mum but this is definitely a great post!

    Reply
  17. Michele says

    April 4, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    It is ridiculous that these kids of negative discussions even have to happen. Moms are doing the best they can and doing what they think is important and deserve respect for their choices. You always bring a sensibility to your posts, thanks for being the voice of reason here.

    Reply
  18. Cristi says

    April 5, 2015 at 9:49 am

    Great post, Yanique! The “mommy wars” thing is crazy these days. Unto each their own… It’s amazing that some women can’t be more accepting. Have a great weekend!

    Reply
  19. Amy Ngai says

    April 6, 2015 at 9:38 am

    Great post. I agree that we need to be easier on other moms and their choices. Everyone is just doing their best and doing what they think is best for their kids. The truth is that we should all be fortunate that we can even have these wars. There are moms in other parts of the world that don’t even get the choices that we have. Unfortunately I don’t see an end to this war. As long as mothers are passionate about their kids, they will be out there fighting for what they think is best and it will hurt people along the way. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:55 am

      Amy and that’s the saddest part. I don’t see an end either. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  20. Melissa says

    April 6, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    I’m tired of all the posts lumping parents into groups or debates on whether or not staying at home is really a job.

    Reply
  21. Natasha @ Anxious Toddlers says

    April 6, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    This is one of the best posts I have read online!! I love it. So true – I couldn’t have said it better! You encapsulated all my feelings about these ridiculous parenting debates. We are all different and make our own decisions that best fit our life and our personality. Instead of being divided we should unite – we all are trying our best and living life one day at a time. Hope to see you at the next #ManicMondays blog hop.

    Reply
  22. Jenny @ Unremarkable Files says

    April 6, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    I missed the whole “what’s your excuse?” thing; this was the first I ever heard of it. The whole “what’s your excuse” line sounds really confrontational so it might not be the most helpful way to inspire women to keep taking care of their bodies after having babies. I’m assigning the best possible motivations, here.

    Reply
  23. Donella Crigger says

    April 6, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    I hope the Mommy Wars end someday, but I don’t see it happening. People have such strong feelings about their own choices (and, apparently, the choices of other moms).

    Reply
  24. April says

    April 6, 2015 at 5:36 pm

    Amen, sister. It’s easy to think “different not wrong” and I assume that most people think that, until I read comments on opinonated blog articles attacking the way a certain group eats, the way a person parents, the way one exercises, all of these things you’ve discussed, and it’s like, “seriously?” It reminds me of a post I read recently by a woman who said that the way you have birth matters and that those who say it doesn’t are lying. That is so ridiculous, but her post was extremely popular. In fact, posts like this one right here will never be as popular as those that say, “Hey this is the right way, period, and all others are wrong.” Okay. I’m rambling because my house is a wreck and I don’t want to clean it…..

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:54 am

      Lol April at “I’m rambling because my house is a wreck and I don’t want to clean it.” I think that’s why I blog 🙂 I wish more people were willing to accept the view of different not wrong. Sure there are some fundamental things that are just wrong, but somethings really are just a matter of preference.

      Reply
  25. susan quackenbush says

    April 6, 2015 at 11:42 pm

    Thank you for the lovely article. It made me think about natural birth moms vs c section moms. I remember feeling like I didn’t really give birth because I had a c section. Other moms used to tell me that also.

    Reply
  26. Alyssa Thys says

    April 7, 2015 at 12:35 am

    I’m not a mom yet but I hang out with plenty of them and I all this mommy wars negativity is truly saddening. It seems like motherhood is a time in a woman’s life where she would need extra encouragement, not extra shame. Thanks for your great thoughts, Yanique!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:49 am

      Alyssa it should be a time of camaraderie. I’m not sure why so many moms are choosing to make it so difficult for others. It’smondboggling to say the least. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  27. Gary Mathews says

    April 7, 2015 at 7:33 am

    Very good post, while I’m not a woman I’ve been involved in many a heated argument with other parents on the breastfeeding debate. The breastfeeding nazi army needs to chill out, it’s not for everyone! Look forward to reading more of your blog! #BigTopBlogParty

    Reply
  28. Happy Elf Mom says

    April 7, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Old lady here. MOST of this craziness stops when you have adult children. Sure, people compare the premed student with my part-time sandwich making kid who lives in the basement… but most adults who have adult children get around to realizing our children are the way they are and there is not much we can do to change them. We only direct them and have them for such a short time. Blessings. 🙂

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:48 am

      You’re the second person to tell me that and that makes me hopeful.

      Reply
  29. Lysa from Welcome to My Circus says

    April 7, 2015 at 9:34 am

    Hi Yanique,

    First I have to tell you that I was just like you when I had my first child, my son, as I had barely turned 17 the month before and the thought of any child breastfeeding from me was just crazy but my son the thought grossed me out! I did however breastfeed all three of my girls because I was older and not so immature!

    Okay, now that I’m done with that I totally agree with you about it needing to end. It is absolutely ridiculous and not only does it tarnish all of the participants reputation but I don’t want to see it read it or hear about it. Every child, every parent, abd every situation is different and we should be supporting one another abd learning from each other instead of having such closed minds.

    I’m getting off of my soapbox and thank you for bringing this whole subject up. I hope some will head the advice abd just drop it!

    Wishing you a fabulous day!

    Much love,
    Lysa xx

    Reply
  30. Julie says

    April 7, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes! There’s enough stress being a parent without all the judging going on from other mothers, who should know better.

    Reply
  31. Samantha Bender says

    April 7, 2015 at 9:16 pm

    I don’t have any children, but I’m nervous for when I do because of all of the judgment and criticism. Women should be empowering each other in any way they can, especially when it comes to their children!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:45 am

      You would think we would be more supportive of each other. Hopefully you will never experience any of these criticism when you decide to start a family. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  32. Wendy says

    April 7, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    It would be nice if all of these would end, but I don’t know if that will happen. For me, I just try to avoid being pulled into these types of situations, if only for my own sanity!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:43 am

      Oh I’m almost sure they will NEVER end. I wouldn’t even mind so much if people would engage in respectful dialogue about their beliefs instead of criticizing one another and tearing each other down.

      Reply
  33. SUZI T says

    April 8, 2015 at 2:00 am

    i agree whole heartedly with your post. There is one group you did leave out which should not even exist and that is mums who vaccinate their kids vs those who don’t. The option to not vaccinate should be removed as soon as possible in all countries.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Yes! How could I forget! For the life of me Suzi I can’t wrap my brain around that one either.

      Reply
  34. Kelly @ The OK Momma says

    April 8, 2015 at 9:04 am

    “Given that stay at home moms and working moms are hard enough on themselves already, can we just end the debate about who has it harder and support each other instead of tearing each other down?”

    YES AND AMEN. This is bane of my working momma existence. I so wish there was just more support among moms – we’re all doing our very best and making the choices that are best for our families!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:39 am

      The working mom vs SAHM is so frustrating to me. There is no prize for doing either so I’m not even sure why people are so critical of each other. I can only hope that greater minds prevail and the silliness ends. Thanks for leaving your comment!

      Reply
  35. Kim @ This Ole Mom says

    April 8, 2015 at 9:38 am

    You write very well and I love reading your posts. I agree with you that moms need to stop bashing each other. I have another one for you to add to the list. Older Moms having babies! I was 42 when I gave birth to my son you wouldn’t believe what I heard!!!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:34 am

      Are you kidding? I’m hearing about so many other issues that Moms shame each other on and I’m baffled! Thank you for the kind words and I appreciate you stopping by Kim!

      Reply
  36. Danielle says

    April 8, 2015 at 9:40 am

    I completely agree. As a working at home mom, mom who formula fed her baby and mom who got an epidural, I’ve been a victim of the mommy bashing. I think it is completely ridiculous. If you feel strongly about your decision(s), that’s fine but in no way is it okay to make someone else feel about bad about theirs. Parenting can be difficult by itself without being judged by the next person.

    Reply
  37. Gunjan says

    April 8, 2015 at 10:10 am

    I could totally relate. Couple of years ago I Became first time mom and kept debating with myself and left my full time job for my daughter. Still not sure if i did was totally right. Hmm. Thanks for sharing this article.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:33 am

      It’s such a difficult choice to make. I’m still coming to grips 4 years later that I made the right choice to be a SAHM and that I’m doing exactly what I should be doing.

      Reply
  38. Tirralan @ Tinseltown Mom says

    April 8, 2015 at 10:25 am

    Yanique, this is an on-time post. We’re all in this together, trying our best everyday. I enjoyed this!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 8, 2015 at 11:25 am

      I see it the same way. We are just doing the best with what we have. Thanks for stopping by Tirralan!

      Reply
  39. Ashleigh says

    April 8, 2015 at 1:51 pm

    I couldn’t agree more! I’ve been wanting to write a similar post about how silly it is for moms to have these wars or to be so judgie with each other. Who really cares how we parent as long as we have happy, healthy, wonderful children? Thank you for writing this.
    Thanks for sharing! Have a wonderful week…I invite you to please come share this and link up with me now at http://www.wrightsimply.com/2015/04/not-so-wordless-wednesday-linky.html
    I know others would love this!! xx Ashleigh @SimplyWright

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 9, 2015 at 11:05 am

      I couldn’t agree with you more. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and we are all just doing the best we can.Thanks for the invite Ashleigh! I just linked up.

      Reply
  40. April Rutherford says

    April 8, 2015 at 3:03 pm

    This is a GREAT post, so simple and to the point and TRUE! Thank you Yanique, for the very compact little piece on these issues. Love it.

    Reply
  41. Mama Carmody says

    April 8, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    You are so right that what works for one child might not work for the second and the same goes for the mommies. We can share our experiences but we need to realize that they might not work for everyone. Thanks for the reminder.

    Reply
  42. Jacquelyn Ward says

    April 8, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    I couldn’t agree more with this post. I am writing a post sparked by the c-section controversy and a friend’s question about where she stands in the working mom vs SAHM label since she works at night. As always, your post inspired me to dig deeper into my thoughts about our weird mom culture 🙂 Keep calm & Mom on!

    Jackie

    Reply
  43. Andraia says

    April 8, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    I guess I live in another world because I didn’t know they had “mommy wars” going on. I’m a Mom that have a job that pays well and when that’s over, I have to come home to my “second job” of cooking and homework. I have a deep respect for Moms that stay at home because I know its a hard job. I believe everyone should raise their kids how they see fit and don’t judge other people of what they are doing or not doing. Great post!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 9, 2015 at 11:07 am

      Oh Andraia I am learning that there are even more issues mommies are “warring” over. It’s mind boggling to me. Thanks for commenting!

      Reply
  44. Takisha says

    April 9, 2015 at 12:55 am

    I am realizing that I have distanced myself from other moms and have become a loner because of things like this. Thanks for posting. Looking forward to reading more!

    Reply
  45. kidGLloves says

    April 9, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    The Mother says – Now this post was right up my street, especially breastfeeding v’s bottle feeding. Even when I was in labour, this midwife was extolling the benefits of the boob!! It got that bad I accused her of being ‘breast obsessed’ and she actually left the room in a sulk – much to the more older, more mature midwife’s humour!! I really enjoyed reading this :0 #sharewithme

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 16, 2015 at 12:15 am

      Lol at breast obsessed! I love it 🙂 I had some pretty forceful lactation consultants visit me after I gave birth. It was so overwhelming and I felt so uncomfortable.

      Reply
  46. Merlinda Little ( @pixiedusk) says

    April 10, 2015 at 4:53 am

    OMG this is so amazing! We should not fight each other but support each other as being parent is already hard as it is! #sharewithme

    Reply
  47. Jenny says

    April 10, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Brilliant and I am with you sista on all of these. It doesn’t matter we all want the best for our children and to raise happy healthy little cuties and why not support each other no matter how we all get there? I love this. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Have a great weekend. #sharewithme

    Reply
  48. Teresa (embracing the spectrum) says

    April 10, 2015 at 5:42 pm

    I wanna say my excuse is that I’m really friggin tired and that while you may have 4 kids, I have 2 kids, I work full time, I’ve got medical issues, blah blah blah. So what if my body isn’t perfect? It will probably never be perfect. I just don’t have the energy for that. Hey. Good for “What’s Your Excuse” Mommy though! 🙂 And I don’t have time to fight the battles. I’m just too tired for the wars.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 15, 2015 at 8:54 pm

      Lol! I seriously don’t know where people find the time to engage in full on attacks about how other people parent their own children. The sad thing is even if they are making valid points, who is going to listen when the message is delivered so aggressively? A lot of my friends are starting to have children now and so many of them are drawing a line in the sand as to what parenting camp they fall into. All I can say to them is wait until you have a few sleepless nights a couple more kids!

      Reply
  49. Kathleen says

    April 11, 2015 at 5:25 am

    Yanique, you started a good conversation here, it obviously needed to be talked about. It is nice to hear the calm voice of reason. Thank you for sharing this wise post and thanks for sharing it on Fridays Blog Booster Party. Please bring some more to us next Friday.
    Kathleen

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 15, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      Thanks Kathleen. I truly do believe we are doing the best we can as parents and we could all benefit from supportive dialogue as opposed to bashing each other.

      Reply
  50. Sarah says

    April 11, 2015 at 10:29 am

    So very well written. I often find myself not talking about parenting or kids milestones or issues with aquaintances because im afraid of being judged. In reality it would be so helpful to be be able to have open conversations and support one another.

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 16, 2015 at 12:06 am

      That’s the saddest part about all this “warring”. We are missing out on an opportunity to support each other.

      Reply
  51. Amanda Evans says

    April 12, 2015 at 1:48 pm

    Ugh nobody ever wins a mommy war, but I guess human nature is a hard thing to stop so it will surely continue and fight new battles. I try to be Switzerland though! Thanks for linking up with us at MeetUp Monday! Hope to see you again this week!
    –Mandy http://www.OddsandEvans.com

    Reply
  52. Sunshine Dad | Mike Smith says

    April 12, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    I love this post so much. As a stay-at-home dad I’m sort of on the outside fringe of these mommy wars. Sometimes the SAHM & Working moms can unite against the SAHD, so that’s always fun for me.
    I never really understood why people cared so much about everyone else’s business. Unless someone is abusing their child or outright asking you for your opinion just keep your big yapper shut. And why the rudeness? I just don’t get it. Part of the issue is many of these “battles” take place over social media and suddenly people say things that they would never say in person and tones can be misinterpreted. Written mediums are really a terrible way to have a debate/discussion about hot button topics.
    Thanks for this post and thanks for linking up at #BigTopBlogParty

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 15, 2015 at 11:06 am

      Well said Mike! I’m at a loss as to how anyone has the time or energy to go back and forth to argue about how other people should be raising their children. Social media definitely helps to stir the pot and people rise to the occasion when they believe they are being mocked or challenged publicly. I wonder if their are any battles amongst stay at home dads? Now there’s a post I would love to read! Thanks for stopping by Mike and for leaving a great comment 🙂

      Reply
  53. Charlotte @ Educating Elsa says

    April 15, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    I agree with all of these. The only mummies I judge are the ones who neglect or abuse their kids. Everyone else is free to get on with it and raise their kids however they see fit. I didn’t breastfeed because Elsa absolutely refused to latch on, even after we saw several specialists. I am SICK of seeing people going on about how formula feeding is bad. I had no choice!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 15, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      OMG the nursing vs.bottle feeding drives me crazy because people make their choices for different reasons. I had a friend who really wanted to nurse as well and was devastated when she couldn’t. People made some of the most insensitive comments to her and she truly took it to heart because she was already feeling guilty…smh

      Reply
  54. Eimear says

    April 16, 2015 at 4:01 am

    TOTALLY agree its exhausting having to fend off extreme parents, I just mumble along and don’t judge a person, we’re all just trying to do the best we can. #brillblogposts

    Reply
  55. Kirsten Toyne says

    April 16, 2015 at 4:51 am

    There is no one way to be a mother and thinking there is a right and a wrong way is just adding to our own internal pressure. I so agree that as mothers we need to be on the same page. We have so much more in common than we have different. There are many of us out there who don’t do this mum v mum thing. A lot of us do understand that motherhood is tough and we all have to take our own path.

    ‘All moms are working moms in my opinion.’ I love what you said here. It is so true.

    Thank you for writing this. Kirsten

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 16, 2015 at 12:55 pm

      I couldn’t agree with you more Kirsten. I’m so thankful for the moms I know who are extremely supportive. They make my parenting journey so much more manageable. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  56. JoyandPops says

    April 16, 2015 at 7:35 am

    I couldn’t agree more.
    I’ve had three children and have formula fed, I tried to breastfeed (didn’t work out very well), natural delivery, two c-sections (elective non the less after my first child was Stillborn). I have worked full time, part time and now work part time from home. I work out but I’ll never have a six pack (without some serious surgery) due to split muscles and a dodgy c-section recovery (and Starbucks!!).
    My point is we all try, we all do our best and as far as I’m aware there are no awards for how you do any of it.
    Children flourish under many different parenting ‘styles’ – there are also many children who become adults and do not, but this is rarely down to whether or not they co-slept or breastfed, there are always many factors.
    I’m just not sure what some mums are trying to prove…!
    Xx
    #briliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 18, 2015 at 9:32 am

      I’m so sorry to hear you had a stillborn baby. My heart goes out to you.

      You raise an excellent point. The parenting style we choose does not guarantee that our children will be well adjusted. We all do the best we can and hope that it is enough. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

      Reply
  57. Toni @ Gym Bunny Mummy says

    April 16, 2015 at 3:13 pm

    So true, if we all just got on with raising our own kids & not bashing other mums then we’d all be a lot happier #BrilliantBlogPosts

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 17, 2015 at 5:23 am

      Seriously! We moms are just doing the best we can. No one has all the answers!

      Reply
  58. Ashley Beolens says

    April 16, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    I’ve never understood the rows that spring up between mums, as a dad I have not seen any rows between dads over parenting styles it seems a very odd thing to get heated over, I hope your post helps 🙂

    Reply
  59. Nicky says

    April 18, 2015 at 11:53 am

    Great post – so true that we mums are hard enough on ourselves already without being hard on each other!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 23, 2015 at 10:02 am

      Absolutely nicky! It makes more sense for us to support each other instead of bashing each other for the parenting choices we make.

      Reply
  60. RC @ Going Dad says

    April 21, 2015 at 11:30 pm

    I’m not a mommy, but being married to one exposes me to some of these. My wife is still breastfeeding our 17 month old and I give my full support. I totally get how demanding it is for any mother, especially when they are working too, and can see how prideful she is for sticking with it. But, I know not all mothers want to or can do this, and we do our best to acknowledge this. We have friends from all walks of life that have their own parenting style and you are exactly right, there’s usually no point in shaming one another for differing beliefs. In the end, it gets us no where!

    Excellent post and love the message you are sending!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 23, 2015 at 10:06 am

      I love to hear dads who support their spouses for nursing and who also understand the many challenges that nursing moms experience. I completely agree with what you said. At the end of the day,we are all just doing the best we can in trying to figure out what works best for our families.

      Reply
  61. Jennifer Lefforge says

    April 24, 2015 at 9:30 am

    LOVE. My kids are in high school now, and honestly, I don’t remember us waring the way I see younger moms doing it now. Let’s all just be FOR each other! This is hard enough without turning on each other!

    Reply
    • Yanique Chambers says

      April 26, 2015 at 6:56 am

      You’re so right! Parenting is no easy gig and we are just doing the best we can. Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  62. Kim @ This Ole Mom says

    April 24, 2015 at 10:03 am

    Great post ! I have come to realize there will always be at least one person that finds something to argue about everything! And, there will always be people comparing people! That’s why I learned to be happy with me. People need to stop worrying about what others are doing.

    I love your posts!

    Reply

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