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My experience as a stay at home mom has been filled with ups and downs, but never regrets. My youngest starts Pre-K in September and lately I find myself being nostalgic about our time home together. I have one hand pulling her back to infancy while the other is shoving her out the door. (It really depends on her mood). As I look back on my journey as a stay at home mom, these are some lessons I’ve learned along the way.
1. Not everyone sees the value in you staying home with your children. I have always been ambitious and my circle of friends are the same way. We all went to college and had big dreams of making our mark in the world. When I told them of my decision to stay home, it was like I told them I was joining the circus! Family and friends regularly questioned me as to when I would go back to work. You would think they were providing for my family. I don’t know how many times they asked me what my plans were once the kids were all in school. One person had the cahunas to ask me, ‘you went to school and have two Masters’ degrees, how come you don’t want to work anymore?’ Yes…you read correctly! You would think that me being a stay at home mom meant I was not being a productive member of society and therefore needed a mom-tervention to get my life back on track.
2. People will boldly question you about your spouses’ salary. The minute I tell people I am a stay at home mom, one of the first questions I get is ‘oh, what does your husband do?’ Innocent enough, but then it’s the folks that follow up by asking ‘how much does he make?’ that drives me stir crazy. I know it’s petty, but it bothers me. When I worked outside the home no one cared what he made, why is it important now? Unless you are a financial advisor seeking to help my family improve our finances, why is knowing my husband’s salary any of your business? I’m from the school of thought that you don’t ask people what they make (or what their political affiliation is).
3. There is a wonderful community of stay at home moms online. Thank God! My online mommy friends helped me to keep my sanity. I love my kids, but there were a few rough spots along the way. I have escaped to the bathroom on numerous occasions to have a good cry. One time I didn’t make it to the bathroom and just collapsed in the kitchen in a pool of tears. To add insult to injury, my then two year old mama bear in training took it upon herself to console me. I knew my online mommy friends would understand and validate my feelings, and they did. They didn’t judge me or remind me of how thankful I should be for being able to stay at home with my kids. They supported me and let me know that ‘girl, I’ve been there too and it’s alright.’
4. Sometimes motherhood sucks. There, I said it. I don’t enjoy folding laundry and cleaning up the same room at least five times in one day. I don’t enjoy having to figure out what everyone will eat for each meal every single day. I could pass on some of the awkward playdates I have had to sit through. I could also pass on the numerous stomach bugs and other gross illnesses that my children bring home from school. Thank God my youngest is completely potty trained because cleaning out her potty is an experience I would have been alright not having.
5. Multi-tasking is the manifestation of madness. I have heard people referring to someone who is frantic as ‘running around like a chicken with their heads cut off.’ That is what multi-tasking looks like for me. If that’s not madness, I don’t know what is. When I initially became a stay at home mom, I felt like I had to constantly do things around the house to show my husband that I wasn’t being a slacker while he was at work. I planned out my daughter’s day from the minute she woke up until she went to bed at night. I created a meal menu for the whole month, snacks included. Additionally, I develop a weekly chore schedule to keep me organized. I was determined to stick to my plan. If at the end of the day I wasn’t close to completing my to-do list, I was all over the place trying to make sure I completed every task. After all, what would my husband think if I didn’t wipe the fingerprints off the refrigerator? Madness!
6. My undergarments need to be clean, not coordinated. Before I had children, wearing matching bras and panties were a must. It just looked nice and made me feel sexy. These days I’m lucky if my socks match much less my underwear! All I need is a supportive bra and clean underwear. As for sexy, what’s sexier than your honey coming home to a clean house, a hot meal, and you in clean underwear? (I’m 100% sure my husband disagrees with me on this one!).
The most important lesson I have learned from my experience as a stay at home mom is that the time I get to spend with my children is priceless. Staying home isn’t the right choice for everybody. If I had to do it all over again, would I do it? In the sanitized version of Big from Sex in the City…ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY!
What are some lessons you have learned from parenting your children?
Simply Beautiful Within says
I understand you completely! But there is no greatest feeling than being home with our children.
Yanique Chambers says
So true. I wouldn’t change it for the world either!
Jennifer Abel says
Hi Yanique, so nice to see you at Mum-bo Monday. Great post with some very valid statements, especially about hubbies pay, no ones business but yours.
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you for the positive comments and for hosting the link party!
Ida says
Great post about SAHMs! I work outside the home and am super envious of SAHMs. I wish I could get that extra time with my kids, teach them and watch them grow. I feel like I miss out on so much. On the other hand, I’m not sure if I could handle being a SAHM. You do so much for your families!!
Stopping by from the Time for Mom hop!!
Yanique Chambers says
Thank you for stopping by! Working outside the home is tough. Not only do you have to go to work, when you get home, you still have mommy duties! When I worked outside the home,I learned that it’s not the quantity of time that we spend with our families that matter, it’s the quality. At the end of the day, we are all just doing the best we can, right!
Robin says
So many people are snotty to stay at home moms! It drives me crazy!
Brittany says
Love this post! I was only a SAHM for about 8 months, but I agree with all of this.
Lana says
I totally agree! I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 20 years now, and I’ve never regretted it. I do wish there had been an online community when my kids were younger – I often felt all alone! Great post :)!
Yanique Chambers says
It is a lonely job and the support definitely helped me keep my sanity!
Leslie says
I never wanted to be anywhere else but at home with my kids. I am an intelligent and capable person who could have done anything, and this is what I wanted to do. What better investment can a women make but in the lives and future of her children?
Emily, Our house now a home says
The first two are the harshest of realities. I have had a lot of people think that me being home means my husband makes a ton of money and that it is their business to know how much. I would never think to ask or assume that. There is always people with opinions, and rude ones too. But, sometimes a SAHM can feel like we are less then all of the others “giving to society”. You said this all perfectly.
Yanique Chambers says
OMG yes! people don’t realize the sacrifices we make sometimes to live off one income. We stick to what we need and any extra goes to the kids. We still live paycheck to paycheck. At this point I just let people think what they want. Thanks for stopping by Emily 😉
Holly Bertone says
Hi Yanique – I am counting the days until we are in a position that I can quit the J.O.B and be a stay at home mom/wife/blogger/writer. Right now it’s not fiscally responsible for us to do so, but hopefully soon. #1 really hit me because we’re counting each and every dollar it’s like… so what does the hubby do so you can be home? I would never ask because it’s rude and you don’t do that, but I always wonder! Mostly because I want to be there too. Oh… someday!!! Thanks for sharing. Stopping by via CBN. Hugs, Holly
Yanique Chambers says
I’m hoping that you can soon Holly. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices but after a while you don’t even notice. I’ll tell you a secret…the hubby is a senior financial analyst AND we also live in Upstate New York where it is relatively cheap compared to other areas. We sacrificed living close to family and friends (that’s the hardest sacrifice really) so we could afford to survive on one income. Thanks for stopping by:-)
sara says
These are all true!!..#6 especially Lol!!!!
Mary says
Everything you stated is so true! It’s the best and the hardest job in the world! #6 made me laugh…I remember those days.
Cristi says
I hear you! It’s amazing to me what people think. I’m not currently a SAHM, but I’m certainly working toward it. I can’t wrap my head around the comments that people make in relationship to women that choose to stay at home with their kids. I’ve heard them all. It’s really no one’s business, but they certainly think it is. Lol… I’m with Holly. I’m counting the days and doing everything that I possibly can to make my dream a reality.
Letetia says
Great article! I have gotten some of the most insensitive comments regarding being a stay at home mom. Oh! And a homeschooling Mommy, and the questions/comments have really been amazing! LOL! I have certain relatives who regularly ask me “So, when are you putting the kids in school?” I’ve slowly learned to let it roll off me. I know I’m doing the best thing for my kids, so I let their issues be their issues. In the meantime, I smile politely, laugh on the inside an keep on keeping on. You keep on keeping on as well! 🙂
Yanique Chambers says
Sound advice. It’s always interesting to hear people’s reaction to homeschooling. I’m not sure why it has such a stigma. Have people seen the state of most public schools? I just don’t get it!? You’re so right. At the end of the day it is their issue and all I can do is live my life on my own terms. Thanks for stopping by Letetia!
ERFmama says
Hehehe. I can relate to this!
I too am a SAHM of 3 and I can recognise some of the things you write about! hehe
Especially the one about people not thinking you will be a part of society….it’s like people think that staying home, which in my case is until all my kids are in full time school, means you will never work because…..in their head your kids reaching lets say 6 years of age on the last one means you are nearing 65 right? lol
It’s crazy! The children will only be small once, stay home, relax, spend time with them is what I think! 🙂
Awesome post!
Yanique Chambers says
Lol!Right?! I mean there can be life after the kids go to school! I wouldn’t change my SAHM experience for the world. Has it been hard? Yes! But I thoroughly enjoy watching my kids blossom into the adults the hubby and I are raising them to be! Thanks for stopping by!